Changes
by Nichonne
Summary: "You step outside, you risk your life. You take a drink of water, you risk your life. And nowadays you breathe and risk your life. Every moment now, you don't have a choice. The only thing you can choose is what you're risking it for." - Hershel Geen. Change comes to Rick and Michonne. But, when the cards land, where they fall might take them to the point of no return.
1. Chapter 1 - The Gate

_Hi All! This is my first time writing Fanfiction. I haven't written any fiction since my undergrad writing classes so I'm excited to get my ideas out there. I'm a big fan of The Walking Dead. Rick, Michonne, and Daryl are my favorite characters. I was happy when the writers (FINALLY!) created Richonne. However, I still feel there were many areas that the show didn't and couldn't cover. So here I decided to create my Walking Dead Richonne world. This story begins when the group arrives at Alexandria. The first part of the story will be a build up to Negan._

 **Part I**

 **Chapter 1 - The Gate**

They arrived at the gates of Alexandria just before sundown. Tired and weary, but ever alert, the group parked their cars and waited. Rick Grimes sat in the passenger seat of the old beat up Oldsmobile. He didn't want to drive. He needed to be alert. He needed to see. He needed to know that he wasn't leading his group into a trap. His son sat behind him. Like his father he was skeptical. Carl Grimes was all of 15 years old, but life added years way beyond his youth. He watched just like his father. His hand on his hype, ready to draw at the first sign of danger. His little sister, Judith, lay blissfully in her car seat. Her little chubby fingers were stuffed in her mouth. She didn't cry, but she was hungry. But she didn't cry.

Rick watched and waited. His fiery blue eyes darted from tree to tree. Scanned every inch of the fence in view. He looked up at the three men at the top of the gate. He read their body language. They looked more afraid of him than he was of them. Why wouldn't they be scared? The only thing visible behind his shaggy head and growing beard were those blue eyes. They burned a hole where they gazed.

He was tired. Tired of running. Tired of hiding. Tired of scavenging. Tired of being tired. He needed this place to work. If it didn't work, he would make it work. He would take it. He would make it his. Conquer. He needed to conquer. For his son. For his daughter. For his people. This would work on his terms or he would take it.

"Shall we go?" she said. Pulled from his paranoid trance, Rick turned to face his driver. The sunlight hit her dark-skin making her shine like she was engulfed in some eternal light. Michonne was Rick's right-hand. He trusted her. He listened to her even though her words were few. She wanted, needed this place to work too. Although she never complained, he knew that she was tired because he was tired. And if he wasn't okay with this place, she couldn't be either.

When Aaron found them huddled together in an old barn, she was the first to believe his offer of a home that they could theirs. This surprised Rick. He always thought she was like him. Skeptical. Yet in this moment, she was hopeful, trusting. This wasn't like the Michonne that Rick had come to know. He trusted that their thoughts were the same. Even when they didn't speak, he knew they were thinking the same thing. But she surprised him. He wasn't prepared to believe in Aaron. He planned to kill him. Months on the run made Rick's temper these days short. The inability to provide for his family made it even shorter.

"Give me a minute," Rick replied. "I need to take this all in." He was planning their exit before they entered. He could easily take out the three guards. This made his a little more comfortable.

"Are we going to do this or what?" Daryl asked. He rolled his motorcycle up to Rick's lowered window. "Either we're going or we're not." Daryl didn't like being in the open this. Rick didn't either, but he couldn't ease the feeling of entering the unknown. They had been fighting, running for so long. Could this place offer the solitude that Aaron had offered?

"Rick, either we're going to inside or we're leaving. We can't just sit here all night. I know you're afraid. So am I, but we won't know what's on the other side unless we _get_ on the other side," Michonne said. She looked him directly in the eyes. Her deep brown eyes were confident.

He swallowed and ran his hand through his beard. He hadn't shaved in months and his beard was starting to touch the collar of his white shirt. Rick knew she was right. She normally was. "Okay," he said. "Let's go." He raised his hand out of the window and signaled to the rest of his group that they were going in.

Aaron called for one of the guards to open the gates. As they parted, Rick looked out of the side-mirror behind him. He could make out the face of Carol in the car behind him. Her eyes met his and she gave him a nod. Rick turned his head and looked at Daryl. He was looking forward, but his face was tense. They all were ready. Ready for what was inside.

None of them were ready for what awaited them on the other side of the gate. Sure, Aaron had said his group lived in a new housing developed, model homes left empty. Ready for new occupants that never came. But Rick never expected this. Beautiful two-story homes lined the streets. Each home had its own character, but the theme was the same. This was suburbia. This was meant for the SUV's, Starbucks, and soccer moms. Not a battle-torn group that once called an abandoned prison home. As they drove deeper into the compound, Rick watched as children played in the driveway of a large tan house with a bright red door. People walked down the streets deep in conversation. Women sat on porches sipping lemonade. This was the world before the world ended. And this worried Rick even more. It was one thing settling into a new camp, but this was a whole new world. More so it was the old world before this new one started. One that Rick Grimes never thought he would never see again.

Aaron pulled on the side of Michonne and motioned her to pull over. She stopped the car in front of a large brick house. It was the kind of house that could be in the Mid-West or New England. It was colonial. Made to look like it had been there for a hundred years even though it was barely two years old. It looked important. Like it was designed to be home to someone important. Five windows lined the bottom flower. Each was decorated with black shutters. A yellow floral reef hung from the black door. A light was on in one of the upstairs windows. Smoked was coming from the chimney. This was a family home. The type of home that Rick would have wanted for his family before the world ended. This wasn't what a group that once called a prison home was expecting.

Aaron got out of his car and waited on the sidewalk in front of the house. He looked to his new settlers to do the same.

Rick hesitated. He still wasn't sure. The gates had already closed and he knew there was no turning back. As much as he was afraid, he needed this to work. Judith was starting to get fussy. He knew she was hungry. He couldn't leave now. He couldn't risk sending his group back out there. Back out into nothing. He glanced at the house one more time. This was the kind of house he pictured him and Lori growing old in. He rarely thought of Lori these days, but this house brought back thoughts of her. He looked down at his wedding ring. He still hadn't brought himself to remove it. As much as he resented her, resented what she did and how she hurt him, he still couldn't remove it. This place reminded him of her and that made him even more nervous.

Michonne placed her hand over his and gave it a squeeze. "Let's do it," she said. Rick opened the car door slowly. Carl mimicked his father. They stood side by side and gazed at the house in front of them. Rick looked up and down the street. No one took the time to look at the strangers. The residents of Alexandria were too caught up in their own day to day lives. This made Rick nervous.

The door swung open and a young man stood smiling. He was in his late twenties. Tall and handsome, he looked like the ivy league type. Rick never got on with that type of guy. He was a good ole country boy.

"This is Spencer," Aaron said as he made his way up the path towards the door. He extended his hand and Spencer shook it.

"I see you brought in a big haul," Spencer said with an apprehensive smile. "I'll go and get the boss." He turned around and went back inside.

Aaron motioned for the Rick to follow. Aaron had told him about their leader. He said that she was a former Congresswoman. She was fair, but she was firm. She was used to being underestimated. She was used to it being a man's world, but this new world belonged to whoever was strong enough to take it.

"Stay here with Carl and Judith," Rick said to Michonne. She nodded. He knew she wanted to join him inside, but he didn't trust anyone besides her and Daryl with his children's lives. This place was still new and until he met this leader, he wasn't going to put his kids in further danger.

"Maggie, Glenn, and Carol follow me," Rick said. He thought that they would be the best people to accompany him. Maggie and Glenn were rational, Carol was good at observing. He didn't even need to tell Daryl to stay outside. He hadn't bothered to get off his motorcycle. He wasn't the guy to bring to a first meeting.

Rick, Maggie, Glenn, and Carol followed Aaron inside the house. Although they had been through so much over the last two years together, they weren't ready for what they saw when they entered the house. They all let out a quiet, "oh" when they entered the foyer. The room was large and bright. A mahogany table filled with fresh white flowers sat in the center of the room. It had been so long since they smelled something as fresh as flowers. These days the rotting flesh of the walking dead had become their signature scent.

The walls were a pale yellow. Black framed photos hung from the walls. They looked like the picture frames Lori used to buy in the hopes of filling them with family photos. Instead, they remained occupied by the stock photos they came with.

They waited in the foyer with Aaron for a few minutes until Spencer returned. "She's ready to see you," he said. He looked at Rick in curiosity but quickly turned away when Rick met his eyes. In his haggard state, Rick was intimidating. For a guy like Spencer, he was terrifying.

As they followed Spencer further into the house they passed a dining room that looked like it was used as a conference room. There were no plates on the table. Instead, there were notebooks, pens, and maps. So this was like their White House Rick thought. The room across from the dining room was a small sitting room with a fireplace. There was a modern glass desk with neatly arranged papers and folders. A coffee mug was still steaming on it while the fire place burned brightly.

The group entered the family room. It was a large white room that faced the backyard. Plants and silver trinkets adorned the coffee and side tables. The walls were covered with replica artwork supposed to give potential buyers' inspiration. The whole room was like looking at a luxury real estate listing. The soft Persian rug in hues of reds and blues blended well with the soft recessed lightening. In the centered of the room, seated on a rather large oatmeal tinged sectional, was a small woman. She was shorter than Carl, but what she didn't have in height she made up for in presence. She looked to be in her late fifties. Her face was one of determination. Her medium length red hair was neatly parted to the side. A pair of gold hoops dangled from her ears. She was dressed smartly: crisp white blouse, black trousers, and black flats with a gold buckle. Her blue eyes darted from face to face until they found Rick's blue ones. She knew he was the leader. Not by his face but by his presence. Like her, he left an impression.

She stood up and extended her hand to him. "Hello, I'm Deanna." Her hand wavered a bit as she waited for Rick to return her greeting. She noticed he was still armed. In fact, they were all armed. This did not intimidate her. She stared back into Rick's eyes. He felt like this little gesture was a test. His grandfather always told him that first impressions were what people remembered. He could tell she was the kind of woman that felt that way too. Even though he wasn't sure about this place, he knew that this first meeting would be what she remembered tomorrow.

"Um, hi," Rick said extending his hand to clasp hers. "I'm Rick. Rick Grimes."

 **...**

Michonne stood next to Carl while Rick and the rest went inside. When she first met Carl, he barely reached her shoulders. Now he almost towered over her. He leaned against the car and crossed his arms. His gaze was steady. He had grown so much since they first met. He had been forced to grow up too fast. He was a soldier, son, brother, and at often a part-time dad. He wore many invisible hats, but he always kept his father's old sheriffs hat on his head. He had already seen more than anyone should ever see in ten lifetimes. But underneath all of it, he was still a child. It was Carl that made the call. He was the first of the group to welcome her. For this, she always felt an affection towards him that she had not shared with many people. In the world, they knew before their paths might not have ever crossed. Now in this new world, their lives were forever intertwined.

She needed this place to not only work for him and Judith but also Rick. They wouldn't survive life on the road much longer. Food was becoming scarce and they were running out of options. Michonne watched as Rick became more withdrawn from the group. While the rest of the group thought it out of frustration, Michonne knew he was starting to crack. For over a year he was their fearless leader. He pulled them out of the darkness. He sacrificed so that they could survive. But now Rick was tired. The events of the last several months were catching up to him. Michonne knew this because she felt the same. If he was okay, she was okay. If he was starting to crack, it would only be so long before she did the same.

It bothered her that he doubted her decision to follow Aaron to Alexandria. Rick rarely went against her and she never went against him. They were always in sync. They had formed a bond different from his relationships with others in the group. There were levels to Rick Grimes and she was one of the few he allowed at the top. But this time he didn't like her call. It was not like her to trust strangers he said. She knew he thought she was getting soft. He stared at her intensely when she invited Aaron in. She could sense his anger, but she was never on the receiving end of his wrath. But that stare hurt more than words. In that stare, she saw that for the first time since she stood at the gates of the prison, that Rick doubted her. This hurt her deeply. Somehow they had formed this surrogate family. She loved Carl and Judith like they were her own children. She went hungry so that they could eat. She had been there for them when Rick could not. She had been there for Rick. She saved his life on more than one occasion and she sided with him when she knew he was wrong. She was loyal to a fault. To think Rick would doubt her judgment, her instincts, and most importantly that she would do anything to put Carl and Judith in harm's way hurt her. But she would never tell him this. She would bottle up the hurt and leave it to ferment. It would resurface on another day.


	2. Chapter 1 - Extra

_This was intended to be the second chapter. However, I decided chapter 2 will pick up a couple of months after our group has settled into Alexandria._

 **First Impressions**

Their meeting with Deanna was quick. She was not one to mince words nor was she one for small talk. She told them that they were welcomed, but there were conditions.

"Conditions? What are these conditions," Rick said in a tone that he had reserved for Carl and, at times Lori.

"Nothing I'm sure you can't follow," Deanna said with a smile. She could tell they were tired. Now wasn't the time for her to get to know them. More so, to interview them. She would wait for a day or so to pass. She wanted them to be fresh. She needed to know their stories before she would make a decision. Aaron was a nice guy, but he wasn't always the best judge of character. Somehow she knew this new group was different from those that had come before. This Rick Grimes was a different animal than anyone that had based those gates before. He would be the last one she interviewed she thought. She would have to think of the best way to scope him out. That would take some time.

"Look, I'm not going to kiss your ass nor am I going to follow any stupid rules," Rick said. He stood up straight and glared down at her. She didn't take her eyes off of him. He wasn't sure if he was trying to intimidate her or if she was trying to intimidate him. "If you think 's what we are going to do then you might as well open those gates and let us go."

Deanna smiled. Not at him, but at Aaron. It was the first time she took her eyes off him. He did not intimidate her, but she knew he was not one to mess with. Although not her intentions, she felt right now was not the right time to layout the conditions one must beet to be granted residency in Alexandria. "Aaron, please show Mr. Grimes and his family to number 12. You should find it to be more than accommodating. Rest easy Mr. Grimes. I don't expect you to kiss my ass nor are our rules stupid. But I do demand respect. Not just for me, but for our community. If you find this hard to follow, then yes, we will open the gates and let you go," she finished returning her eyes to him.

"Lets all talk in the morning," Maggie said. She could tell the conversation was on the verge of going south. Rick was tired and she could sense his irritation growing. Rick turned to look at her. She gave him a little wink and he nodded. Without saying a word he turned around and walked to the front door.

"Good night to you all. I will have Jessie bring you over some food. Sleep well," Deanna said.

"Thank you," said Maggie and Glenn in unison. Carol remained quiet during their short exchange, but turned and gave Deanna a little wave as they left. Deanna ignored her and went back to sit on the sectional. Aaron led the way followed by Spencer.

"Good luck," Spencer said to Aaron as he closed the door behind him.

Rick was already in the car with Michonne, Carl, and Judith. "We'll talk later," he said before Michonne or Carl bothered to ask. They waited for Aaron to lead the way to number 12.

Number 12 was all the way at the end of the block. It was bordered on both sides by empty houses. Deanna wanted them separated from her people, Rick thought. This made sense as she still hadn't laid out her conditions. Right now they were just guest and number 12 was the equivalent to a guest house. If this was her way of isolating them, she had a funny way to show. When they got out of the car of number 12, they were all rather taken aback with its appearance. Even Daryl let out a little whistle. The house was large like the others, but it was the only white house on the block. The grass was neatly cut as if it was only mowed a few minutes before they arrived. Next to the house sat a two car garage with a basketball hoop. "Cool," Carl said rather to himself than anyone else. Rick turned and looked at his son. Sometimes he forgot that he was only a kid. This world had made Carl grew up so much faster than he ever expected, but he was happy that a little thing like a basketball court still made his son excited.

Rick was tired, but he wanted to scan the house before he allowed his people to enter. He motioned for Daryl to join him on his search.

"You don't have to do that," Aaron said. "I told you, you're safe here."

"I'll be the judge of that," Rick said briskly and led the way inside.


	3. Chapter 2 - Omissions

_Thank you guys for reading! You have no idea how much I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. To all of you that left a review (even the person that left a not so nice one), I thank you! I'm loving the feedback. I'm coping and pasting my work into FanFiction so I apologize for any typos that I didn't catch. The formatting keeps getting off. Anyway, I'm taking my time with this story and trying to build the characters feelings and emotions. We are going to spend some time with Michonne. It is important to understand her motivation for her future actions. Enjoy!_

 **Chapter 2 - Omissions**

It had been almost two months since they passed through the gates of Alexandria. Aaron had been right; this place wasn't like anything they had expected. It was like they had stepped back in time. The air was fresh and the faces were happy. It had taken some time for them to relax. Of course, it would. After everything they had seen and done, it wouldn't be easy. Rick insisted that they all stay in the same home until he felt the place out. He still wasn't sure of their new surroundings and he wanted his people to be close. He met with Deanna. They all did. She wanted to know who these new settlers were. What they had seen on the outside. Her people had been tucked away behind the walls from almost the beginning. They were unaware of what lived beyond their gates.

Finally, after a week Rick loosened his stance. He was normally a good judge of character and his gut told him he could trust Deanna. After their first meeting, he knew the reason why Aaron picked his group: they had been out there. They had fought. They had won and they had lost. Alexandrians needed to understand this all could end at any moment. They needed to be prepared. Deanna understood this too and knew that Rick Grimes was the guy for the job.

Alexandria had everything Rick's group had so desperately searched for. They had food, electricity, running water, and walls. As far as Rick could see, at least for the time being they were safe. He allowed himself to lower his guard, if only for the night when he was finally able to rest his fatigued body. It had been so long since he had been able to truly rest. There were kids Carl's age and for the first time in almost two years, Carl was able to be a kid. The group settled into their roles within the community. Alexandria didn't run on hope and prayer. Everyone was expected to pull their weight. Everyone in Rick's group had been a given a job. Rick and Michonne had been given the duty of ensuring Alexandria's safety. This was an easy decision for Deanna. After interviewing Rick and Michonne, she knew that they shared a bond that was much deeper than just comrades. She could tell that Rick trusted few. If Rick had two right hands, they would be Daryl and Michonne. But Daryl was too withdrawn. He hadn't even bothered to show up for his interview. He wasn't the type of man Deanna saw as a leader. But she saw something in Rick. He was one of the few men that intimidated her and she wanted him on her side. He was on her side, but he also needed someone to watch his back. Deanna knew Michonne was the woman for the job.

When Deanna interviewed Michonne she was not surprised that she was so much like Rick. Her answers were careful and direct. Deanna got a sense that she was not sure how much Rick had shared and she didn't want to reveal any of his secrets. She watched Deanna's movements. She studied her facial expressions. Deanna got a feeling she was being interviewed as well. Michonne wasn't like the other women in Alexandria. She was a warrior. She was strong before the world fell and her time wandering the roads alone had made her fierce. She would be a representation of women of this new world.

Yet life in Alexandria hadn't become what Michonne expected. As much as she wanted this new place to work for Rick, Carl, and Judith, she hadn't thought about what she wanted for herself. When Deanna asked her, "What do you want for yourself?" Michone was not sure how to answer. This was the first time someone had asked her that. These past few months had left her little time to think and feel for _herself_. She always thought that if Rick was happy, she was happy. It was her that told him to give this place a chance. She coaxed him into trusting Deanna and allowing his group to settle into life in Alexandria. They had spent the first few nights sitting on the porch of their new home. They often sat in silence, but they carried on a silent conversation. What would they do if this place didn't work? Everything had always been about what was good for the group. It wasn't until that first week inside the gates of Alexandria that Michonne finally had the chance to think about what she wanted for herself. What would she do if this place didn't work for her?

...

The screams of a small wind-up alarm clock let Michonne know it was time wake up. It was still dark out and a light mist littered the lawns of Alexandria. Winter was coming and there was a lot to do. She had promised to train a group of women on how to use a knife. It wasn't her preferred weapon, but not everyone could wield a sword. Rick thought it would be a good idea for the citizens of Alexandria to become accustomed to life outside the walls. He wanted them prepared for the unexpected. Deanna agreed and even more so she wanted the women to be prepared. She wouldn't allow them to become victims. Not on her watch. So every Monday morning a small group of women huddled together near the small patch of grass just beyond Deanna's house for weapons training. Lead by Michonne, Sasha, and Rosita, the women of Alexandria learned to do more than just keep house. Nearly every women attended. Some were apprehensive. These new women weren't like anything they had ever seen. They were strong. They were capable.

As Michonne fumbled around her room for her clothes, she heard the soft thuds of Rick's boots. He was probably rocking Judith back to sleep. She had become accustomed to that sound over the past weeks. Carl had insisted that Michonne live with them. Although Michonne was old enough to be his mother, he always thought of her as his best friend. She understood when he needed space and was always there to listen when he needed someone to talk to. She allowed him to be a man, but when he needed it, she let him be a kid. They shared candy and comic books. They had their own inside jokes. She came into Carl's life at the time when he was grieving the loss of his mother. She filled a void that was missing in his heart.

Rick was hesitant. At least that's what Michonne thought. She was almost sure when Carl declared, "Michonne is staying with us," Rick gave his son a disconcerting look. Michonne got the impression that he was not sure if her living in the same house with them was a good idea. They had shared space before; this wasn't new. But somehow Michonne felt like the Rick inside of Alexandria was in search of something. A new way of living that did not include her. Carl repeated his declaration and Rick agreed.

It was also decided that the room at the end of the hall was reserved for Daryl. He still hadn't taken to life in Alexandria. Instead, he roamed the deserted roads with Aaron looking for more survivors. Carol, Noah, Sasha, and Father Gabriel had taken the house to their right. Abraham, Rosita, Tara, and Eugene were on their left. Glenn and Maggie across the street.

The house that Michonne shared with the Grimes was the kind of house she pictured women would gather on Friday nights for a book club meeting. It was a family home. The kind that looked like it was on the set of some Hollywood studio. The floors were a rich dark wood. The walls were bright white. It was the kind of house that should be filled with the joys of laughter. Right now it was filled with Carl's low snores, the thuds of Rick's feet, and Judith's soft cries.

Michonne dressed quickly, grabbed her sword and quietly left the house. On any other day, she would have knocked on Rick's door and offered to take Judith so he could go back to sleep. Judith would nearly leap from her dad's arms to Michonne. She loved to pull on Michonne's dreads and touch the little "M" necklace that Michonne always wore. She was a daddy's girl, but she liked the smell and soft touch of a woman. Michonne didn't offer this morning. In fact, she didn't want to see him at all. The last time she had offered he had refused.

"No, it's okay. I got her. You worry about us too much. Why don't you head out and start doing our morning rounds. I'll catch up with you later," he said with a smile. She knew that he meant no malice. But it still hurt her. They were her family. Of course, she worried about them. They were all she had.

Life in Alexandria wasn't what she had expected. Everything and everyone was different. The days without any incidents, wounds, or deaths had allowed their group a moment to collect themselves. They had begun some sort of strange healing process. But Michonne wasn't ready to let go of the past just yet. She didn't feel comfortable leaving the house without her sword. Even when Deanna told her it was necessary within the gates, she couldn't stand being without it.

It wasn't just the people inside Alexandria that were different. Her own group had changed so much as well. As they began to settle into their new lives, bits and pieces of who they were before the world changed had started to come back. Glenn and Maggie were like two lovesick teenagers. They were barely seen outside except for when they had to perform their daily duties. Carl had made friends with the other teens in the compound. He was rarely home, spending most of his time huddled up in a house four doors down. Rosita, Tara, Noah, and Sasha went on runs with the Alexandria scavenging group. Abraham had taken up construction duties when he wasn't scavenging or training the men on how to shot. Everyone had one had found their place within these gates. Even Judith spent time with a children's playgroup. The only other person that seemed to share Michonne's mixed feelings was Carol. She had decided to play the role of a shy widow. She wanted the Alexandrians to think she was content baking cookies and washing clothes. She preferred to be a wallflower and discover whatever secrets were buried in Alexandria. She, unlike the rest, had refused to fully relax.

Everything seemed to be working out okay, for everyone else. As much as she was hoping this place would work, Michonne wasn't able to settle in. It was she that had convinced Rick to let his guard down, but now hers was up higher than ever. Perhaps it was because she had spent some much time worrying about the needs of others that she hadn't thought about what she wanted. What did she want? This place had everything they needed, but somehow she wasn't able to find peace. She lay in bed at night listening to the rustle of the leaves outside her window. A little part of her missed the low and shallow breaths of the walkers. It was hearing the breaths of the dead that helped her remember she was still alive.

...

Things had changed between her and Rick after that first week in Alexandria. At least in her head, they did. She was used to his eyes meeting hers whenever they were in a room together. Somehow out of all the people in the room, his eyes always met hers. It was a signal that they were in sync. Alert.

He was different now. Relaxed. He smiled more than she had ever seen since the day she met him. She had even heard him laugh. Not the soft chuckle he gave whenever he overheard her and Carl debating about their favorite comic book characters. It was a deep belly laugh that showed all his teeth. His eyes lit up like blue sparklers. He was slipping back into the old Rick Grimes. The sheriff Rick Grimes. The Rick Grimes she did not know.

It wasn't as if Rick asked to be their leader. Someone had to do it and he was the one that stepped up. It was a role that he grew into, but never fully embraced. And now that he was safely inside the walls of Alexandria, one that he could retire. He no longer needed to know everything. He became content not knowing every little secret that Alexandria had to offer. He did his job, the job he had before the world changed, the way he always had. He got up early and came home just before dinner. He got to know the people of Alexandria. He remembered their names. He greeted them as if he had known them for years. He settled into this new life much more quickly and wholeheartedly than Michonne expected.

It was this that had made Michonne uneasy. It wasn't like Rick to let his guard down so quickly. She was happy that he finally had the chance relieve himself of the heavy burden of keeping his group alive. But she had always thought that if he was okay, she would be okay. But now she wasn't okay and he was. And no one cared. No one noticed. She never volunteered her feelings nor did anyone ask. The group had become accustomed to her silence. It wasn't as if she didn't want to talk. It was just no one had ever bothered to dig deeper into who she was. The only person that had come close was Carl. She had shared things with him that not even Rick knew. Maybe it was because he was young and in some ways still innocent. His questions were out of curiosity and not scorn. But now Carl had made friends and was finally able to just be a kid. This made Michonne happy. She hated what he had to be now. From the first day that she met him to when she found out he had lost his mother, she felt like she had to protect him. He had lost his mother; she had lost her son. He was the only one that she had shared that with. Somehow she felt he would understand her pain. He did. Seeing him now, just happy to sit around with kids his age and listen to music, was one of the few things that made her happy these days.

Michonne didn't want to run into Rick this morning. She knew she couldn't avoid him, but she wasn't ready to see him just yet. As Michonne strolled down the street, she saw a light on at the house four doors down from hers. She figured the woman inside would join them for their lesson. She had every time. She quickened her pace and hoped to make it past the house before the door opened. She wasn't in the mood to talk. And she definitely wasn't in the mood for her. But she was too slow.

"Michonne, wait!" the woman yelled. Michonne wanted to keep walking, but even in this new world, she couldn't be rude. Instead, she stopped. She didn't turn to face the woman. She looked straight ahead, eyes focused on the gate.

"Good morning. I figured I would head out early. I'm glad I ran into you!" the woman said. She ran down the driveway to meet Michonne. She was opposite of Michonne in every way. Her long blond hair was pulled into a high ponytail. Her pale skin was highlighted by the pre-dawn moon. Her hazel eyes searched Michonne's face for a welcome. She didn't get one. Not that she expected to.

 _I swear if she smiled any wider_ , Michonne thought, _her mouth would swallow the top of her head_. The woman joined her and Michonne kept walking. She hadn't bothered to greet the woman. She never did. The woman had never done anything to her, but there was something about her that Michonne didn't like. She couldn't put her finger on it, but whenever she came around, a pain shut down the back of Michonne's head. To Michonne she was the equivalent of a root canal.

"I checked out this knife from Olivia yesterday," the woman said as she held up a medium-sized black hunting knife. "I figured I would have more control with one this size than the one I had before." She motioned for Michonne to look at the knife.

Michonne didn't answer. Her face was steady and offered no indication that she had even heard what the woman had said. Suddenly Michonne stopped. "I have to go back to my house, I forgot to I need to bring some plans to Deanna," she said. She had hoped the woman would keep walking. Every second that Michonne was around her, the more her headache increased.

"I'll come with you," the woman insisted. She had an eager look on her face. Michonne knew that look. It didn't take long for her to know what that look meant after their first week in Alexandria. It wasn't long before the single (and some married) women of Alexandria caught sight of Rick. Although he looked rugged, he was still handsome. He was the kind of man that made a woman feel safe. In this new world, safety meant everything. He was a southern boy with southern charm. He was the type of man that stood when a woman left the table. He was a man amongst wolves. He was a fighter and a protector.

She was the first one that approached him. Or at least she was the first one that had the opportunity. She stopped by their first night at number 12 with a basket full of fresh fruits and vegetables. It was Rick that opened the door. "Hi, I'm Jessie," she said holding up the basket like it was some kind of peace offering.

Michonne thought nothing of that encounter at first. She was just doing what Deanna had asked her to do. But she kept coming back. She was all of 36 but apparently had many jobs in her life. When she had offered to give Carl a haircut - in which he vehemently refused - she turned her attention to Rick. Michonne had the feeling that was why she had come by anyway. It had been months since Rick had a haircut. It was an offer that he was happy to accept. Michonne watched as she followed him into the kitchen. She offered Michonne a smile in which she didn't return.

"No please, go on to on over to the field. Rosita should be there already. I'll only be a minute," Michonne said more sternly than she intended. She was about to turn around when a familiar voice greeted them.

"Good morning ladies," Rick said. He smiled at Jessie and Michonne. After Jessie's haircut, which Michonne thought looked like it had been done by a walker rather than a living person, Rick shaved his beard. It was a defining moment in their journey together. It was the first time that Michonne had ever really seen his face. She never realized how beautiful he was. She had become accustomed to his wild graying beard hiding his face. It was a testament to the battles he had won. He didn't have time to worry about personal grooming. He was keeping people alive. This face was new. Not the only she had learned to read so well. His skin was smooth and tanned. Months in the sun had left him with a permanent glow.

"Good morning, Rick," Jessie said. She beamed at him. "Where's Judith?"

"I left her with Carl. I had some things I wanted to take care of this morning. Where are you girls headed off to," he asked.

"Well Michonne was headed back home and I'm going to weapons training," Jessie said, still beaming at him.

"Great, I will walk with you," said Rick. He and Jessie walked away, leaving Michonne standing there.

His eyes never left Jessies. At one point this would have hurt her. Rick never made her feel ignored. Even when she was not the object of his attention, she always felt welcomed. But now, moments like this happened often. When they made their morning rounds, he spoke less. _Maybe he just doesn't have much to say these days_ , Michonne thought to herself. Not that they ever really needed anything important to say. Before they found Alexandria, when it was just him, her, and Carl, they talked about everything. Their lives before and what they hoped the future would bring. But now he was quiet. He often left her to continue their rounds alone. She felt like he was pulling away from her. She didn't understand why. There was something about this Jessie that seemed to spark Rick's interest. She was always standing outside with her son Sam when they made their way past her house. She always beamed when she saw Rick. She always had some little gift for Judith. A sweater she found while rummaging through boxes or a stuffed toy. Sam always had some failed magic trick to show Rick he learned from the book he found in the library. And Michonne was left standing on the sidewalk. An invisible to them.

Jessie had a son that was Carl's age and they had become friends. Carl spent a lot of time there. He spent a lot of time there with _her_. He came home several nights and raved about the dinner he had at Jessie's house. She made taco pie. He loved taco pie. It reminded him of the one meal that his mom had been able to cook. It was his favorite. It was better than the veggie burgers Michonne had begged to get him to try. He liked Jessie's cooking. He liked hanging out at her house. He liked her. Carl was like his father in many ways. Michonne knew that if Carl liked her then most likely, Rick did too.

As she headed back to her house, her stomach tightened. It wasn't from hunger. It was a ping of loneliness that began in the bottom of her stomach and reached all the way to the top of her head. In the back of her mind, a thought that she tried to ignore was becoming clear: she was losing them. She was losing them to her.

...

Michonne didn't head back to weapons training. Instead, she went back up to her room and shut the door. Sunlight was beginning to creep through the cracks of her shutters. On any other day, she would have opened them and let the sunlight color her room with its orange glow. Today she kept them closed. She lay on her bed and closed her eyes. Sleep had become the only place she found peace of mind. In her dreams, she was with her son, Andre. They could go anywhere and do anything. Her dreams were always vivid. She could see every part of Andre's small brown face. She held him, kept him close to her. And then she would wake up. The pain of losing him gutted her all over again. Before they arrived at Alexandria, she rarely dreamt of Andre. Exhaustion had given her mind little time for dreams. Now she dreamt of him every night. She was rarely physically tired these days, but her thoughts made her feel like she had run a marathon.

She wouldn't go to weapons training today. Rick was there. She was almost sure he stayed. He would assist the women with training. They didn't need her. _He doesn't need me either_ , she thought. She didn't want to be around him right now anyway. She tugged at one of her dreads like Judith did. She wanted to hold her, but she was with Carl. _He doesn't need me either_ , she thought again.


	4. Chapter 3 - Withdrawal

_Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! You have no idea how much it means to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter. The wheels are in motion._

 **Chapter 3 - Withdrawal**

Winter had fallen on Alexandria. The days were shorter and the nights colder. The residents of Alexandria spent most of their time indoors. Children left the cold streets in favor of the warmness of home. The coldness of winter slowed the walkers so the gates remained safe. There was no need to scavenge. They had everything they needed for now. Life inside Alexandria was peaceful. At least it was for some.

Michonne stood in front of Deanna's office door bundled in her dark brown hooded poncho. It was one of the few things she had been able to hold onto when the prison fell. Her dreads were tucked neatly into the hood. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion. Sleep rarely found her these days. She raised a gloved hand from under her poncho, let out a breath that danced in front of her in the cold, and knocked lightly on Deanna's door. She was not sure how long she stood outside the door before she got the nerve to finally knock. It had taken her several days to work up the nerve to meet with Deanna. She rehearsed what she was going to say in her head several times. She wanted to be sure that her head matched her heart. As far as she could tell it did. Her heart was heavy and her head hung low. It was time for her to finally think about herself. What she needed and what she did not.

"Come in," Deanna said. She sat behind her glass desk sipping a cup of coffee. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and her small gold hoops dangled freely. She was dressed in a dark blue sweater and jeans. It was early and she still wore her slippers. She looked up, surprised to see Michonne standing there.

"I take it you didn't want to be seen," Deanna quipped with a smile as she studied Michonne's attire. Michonne lowered her hood and met Deanna's eyes. Deanna's smile faded at the sight of Michonne's face. She could tell her visit was not a social one. "Have a seat," she said.

Michonne sat down in the dark green chair opposite Deanna. She did not remove her gloves and buried her hands underneath her poncho. Her fingers were trembling and she was afraid Deanna might see.

"I take it you have something resting uneasy on your mind," Deanna said. "I haven't seen you around all week. You missed our weekly meeting _and_ my last get together. I asked Rick about you but he said you hadn't been home much."

She had been home. In fact, she spent most of her time that week secluded in her room. Rick decided that it would be best if they split their shifts. Life in Alexandria was uneventful and he didn't see the need for both of them to be on patrol. He would work the first shift and Michonne would cover nights. He wanted to be home with Carl and Judith in the evenings.

Except she didn't take the night shift. She stayed isolated in her room. She only roamed the house when the Grimes had left for the day and returned to her room when she heard the clicking of Rick's boot heels on the front porch. Had he taken the time to look or even knock on her door he would have known that.

"I need to talk to you about something important," Michonne said. She didn't want to beat around the bush. She needed to say this now or she might never have the nerve. "I decided I no longer want to be in charge of Alexandria's security. Rick has everything under control. He doesn't need my help anymore," she continued. Saying this out loud hurt her more than she expected. It was the first time these words had left her mouth although she repeated them constantly in her head.

Deanna sat back in her chair and studied Michonne. She had become accustomed to Michonne looking her in the eyes when she spoke. It was a sign of confidence. Deanna liked confident women. But today Michonne stared at a point behind Deanna's head. She wouldn't, maybe couldn't look at Deanna. This news took Deanna by surprise.

"Have you spoke with Rick about this?" she said.

Michonne let out a deep breath. "No," she said softly. " I was actually hoping you would take to him for me."

"I would think this is news that would be better received from you. Is there something wrong? Is there something I should know?" Deanna said.

Michonne had a feeling that Deanna was more aware of what was going on between her and Rick then she let on. During several of their weekly meetings, she had noticed how quiet Michonne had become. She was good at observation and surely she would have noticed the change in Michonne's behavior.

"We don't talk much these days," Michonne said more to herself than Deanna. "Look, I've thought about this long and hard. Remember when we first met, you asked me "what do I want for me?" I need some time to figure that out. You have more than enough able-bodied people that would be just as good as me in that role. Abraham would be great. Or even Sasha. Whoever you decided, I'm sure the safety of Alexandria won't suffer," she finished.

Deanna did not reply right away. She folded her arms across her chest and studied Michonne's face. She was not the same person she met almost three months ago. She seemed withdrawn, weak. Something had changed inside her.

"I can't force you to keep the job," Deanna finally said. "I selected you because I felt that you and Rick would make the best team for it. However, I understand if you need some time to yourself. I know how much you have been through over the last two years. I'm sure you could use a break."

"Thank you," Michonne said. She got up to leave. She didn't want to prolong this meeting any longer. She was afraid that Deanna wasn't done. She was right.

"I still think you should talk to Rick about this," Deanna said as Michonne reached for the doorknob. "I don't think this news should come from me. You guys are a family. Whatever, you are going through, I'm sure he will understand."

Michonne gave her a slight nod and proceeded out the door.

"And, whatever Rick is going through, I'm sure you'll understand in time," Deanna finished.

Michonne turned around to look at her. Deanna gave Michonne a small smile and returned her gaze to the papers on her desk.

…

Michonne knew Deanna wouldn't tell Rick. At least not yet. She would give Michonne the chance to do it herself. She knew that before she even told her, but she still had to try. She wanted to tell him herself. She rehearsed it, came close on several occasions, but could never bring herself to do it. Deep down inside she hoped that he would beg her not to quit. He would tell her that he couldn't do the job without her. He needed her by his side. But she knew that wouldn't happen. She would tell him that she was stepping down and he wouldn't care.

She climbed the steps of her front porch and heard laughter coming from inside. It was barely 8:30 a.m. and she was already there. Of course, she would be. _She probably saw me walking down the street and made a beeline for the house_ , Michonne thought. She was going to turn around and head back down the street when a familiar voice said, "You goin in or what?"

She turned around to see Daryl walking towards her. It had been three weeks since he had last been home, but he looked like he hadn't seen a bar of soap in four. His hair clung to head and the bags under his eyes rivaled Michonnes. His crossbow was strewn across his back. He was disheveled as ever, but somehow he made it look cool.

"I was thinking about going for a walk," Michonne lied. Anything to keep from going inside while _she_ was. "Glad to see you're back."

"Thanks," said Daryl. He climbed the steps and stood next to Michonne. Hearing the laughter coming from inside he said, "I guess Rick's BFF is already here. Guess I haven't missed anything new since I've been gone." He turned and looked at Michonne. He wasn't a man of many words, but he wasn't a fool. "You look like shit," he continued.

"And you smell like shit," Michonne shout back with a chuckle. It was the first time she had cracked a smile in weeks.

The door opened and Jessie walked out followed by Rick.

"Well I see you guys are having a good time," she said seeing the smile on Michonne's face. "I guess Michonne is happy to see you're back Daryl!"

Rick looked at Daryl and Michonne. It was the look he dispensed when he was trying to read a situation. Michonne's smile faded quickly when Rick's eyes met hers. It was the first time she had come face to face with him in days. They shared the same home, but he rarely caught a glimpse of her lately.

"Glad to see you're back in one piece. I hope you're going to stick around for a while. It's been quiet around here and I'm sure you could use the rest," Rick said turning his attention to Daryl.

"We'll see. I'm not into this Mayberry shit. Familiarity breeds contempt," Daryl said as he hocked a loogie over the side of the porch.

"Was everything good out there?" Rick asked Daryl, ignoring his comment.

Daryl gave Rick a slight nod that meant he wanted to talk to Rick in private. Whatever it was, it wasn't to be discussed in front of Jessie.

Jessie let out an uneasy laugh and glanced from Daryl to Rick. Something about Daryl made her uneasy Michonne noticed. _Maybe it's because he can see through bullshit_ , Michonne thought.

"Well if you do decide to stick around, I hope you will join us tonight. I'm making a special dinner for Ron. It's his 16th birthday and I want to make it as special as possible," Jessie said to Daryl. Jessie had a way of asking questions that seemed like she was a goofy cheerleader asking the varsity quarterback to prom. She twirled her hair around her fingers and batted her eyes. Michonne was sure this is how she got through life. A bat of an eye and a twirl of hair and viola, men did what she wanted. She had lost her husband during the first week of the outbreak and had depended on the kindness of strangers after that.

Ron was Jessie's other son. He and Carl had quickly become friends. A sweet 16 party hardly seemed like the social event a man like Daryl Dixon was eager to attend. Michonne didn't remember getting an invite. Not that she wanted to go anyway.

"You goin?" Daryl asked Michonne. He turned to look at her. She could tell he knew she wasn't invited and wanted to make Jessie squirm. He didn't spend much time there, but Michonne was sure she wasn't the only one that didn't fit into Rick's new life. In fact, Michonne had a feeling that was why Daryl stayed away.

"Yes! Michonne you have to come! I told Rick to invite you last week," Jessie exclaimed.

He hadn't. Rick tugged at his collar. His neck turned pink.

"Um, yeah I meant to tell you, but I haven't seen you all week," Rick said smiling sheepishly. He didn't look at her. Michonne got the feeling he hadn't planned to tell her even if he did see her.

"How the hell you don't see someone that lives in the same house as you," said Daryl. He gave Rick a rather exasperated look.

 _God, I missed him_ , Michonne thought. Daryl didn't mince words. He said what she had been too embarrassed to say.

"Well, um, I've, ah, it's been a long week," Rick said. Michonne could tell he was eager to leave the porch and this topic behind.

"I would love to attend, it's been awhile since I've been to a party," Michonne said coolly. She didn't know why she wanted to torture herself. She knew they didn't want her there, but she felt like she had to be there.

She walked through Rick and Jessie into the house. She could have sworn she felt Rick tense as she walked past him.

"Yeah, I'll pass," Daryl said and followed Michonne into the house.

 **…**

Michonne dressed carefully that evening. She searched through the boxes of clothes at Olivia's house and settled on a purple sleeveless sheath dress and black heels. How these people had managed to bring back these types of clothes during an apocalypse was beyond her, but today she was grateful. It had been a long time since she had seen herself in a dress. She wanted to look nice tonight. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she had a flashback of date nights with her boyfriend Mike. That was so long ago. She pinned her dreadlocks back with a few of Judith's barrettes. _I wish I had some perfume_ , Michonne thought. She slipped on her heels and gave herself one last glance in the mirror. The dressed hugged her body in all the right places. She had rubbed a little olive oil from the kitchen on her skin so that she glistened in the light. It had been so long since she had seen herself in anything other than a tank top, jeans, and boots. In fact, she rarely looked at herself these days. _This will have to do,_ she thought.

She walked out of her room and downstairs. Rick, Carl, and Judith had left the house before her. They hadn't bothered to wait. She headed to the door then hesitated. What was she doing? She could go back upstairs, take the dress off and get into her nice warm bed. Why would she torture herself like this?

"You look ridiculous," Daryl said from the couch. She had been so consumed in her thoughts that she didn't notice him sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

"Thank you, I did my best," Michonne said with a smile.

"Why are you going to that thing. It sounds like you weren't really even invited," Daryl said. He looked her up and down and added, "I don't think you'll be invited again after she see's you in that dress."

"And what do you mean by that?" Michonne asked. _Oh no_ , she thought. _Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should change. I don't want to appear desperate. Maybe I just shouldn't go._

"Look," he said getting up from the couch and walking over to her. "You don't have anything to prove to anyone. You're one of the baddest sombitch I've ever met. She's no threat to you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Daryl," Michonne lied. "But thank you."

"Yeah, sure. Good luck with that," Daryl said and walk towards the kitchen. "You still look ridiculous."

Michonne left her house and walked four houses down to Jessie's. It was a cold night, but she hadn't brought a jacket. _I wish I would have brought my katana_ , she thought. Why she would need it at a sweet 16 party she wasn't sure, but she still wished she had it. She rounded the path to Jessie's house and made her way to the door.

She hesitated to knock. The second time she had done that today though under very different circumstances. She raised her hand to knock when someone called her.

"Michonne," Carl said. He was walking up to the front door with a teenage girl Michonne had seen wandering around near the gates. She was the same age as Carl but gave off a presence of someone much older. She gave Michonne a shy smile. She didn't seem like the shy type, but Michonne got the impression that she intimidated the young girl. Carl looked at Michonne as if he had never seen her before. At least he had never seen her look like this before.

"Carl, why aren't you inside?" Michonne asked. Even in her isolation, she hadn't stopped worrying about him.

"Um, I, um, picked up Enid so that we could walk together," he said. He tugged at his collar, not meeting Michonne's eyes. _Like father, like son_ , Michonne thought.

"That's a very pretty dress," Enid said. Michonne got the sense she was trying to change the subject. Michonne wasn't one to pry.

"Thank you, Enid. Shall we go inside?" Michonne asked. She was happy to see them. At least she wouldn't have to make her entrance alone.

Carl led the way followed by Enid and Michonne. The house was packed to capacity. It looked as if all of Alexandria had come to celebrate Ron's birthday. Glenn and Maggie sat in a corner conversing with Father Gabriel, Noah and a few of the Alexandrian women that Michonne did not now. Sasha, Rosita, and Tara stood near the fireplace with bored expressions on their faces as Eugene detailed something that no doubt only interested him. Carol was huddled over the food table arranging a small cake in the middle. She did not see Rick or Jessie.

Enid and Carl left Michonne to join their friends upstairs. The teenagers had decided to form their own party upstairs away from the adults. Michonne found a space by the staircase. This was a safe place for her to survey the room.

"You look beautiful," Deanna said as she made her way towards her. "I'm glad you finally got out of the house, but why are you hiding by the stairs?"

"I'm not hiding. I was just, um, looking for a place to sit. It's pretty crowded in here," Michonne said. She was trying to hide, she didn't know it was so obvious.

"Mingle, Michonne! Why did you go through the trouble of wearing that pretty dress if no one is going to see!" Deanna exclaimed. "Here," she said and took off her small gold hoops. "You're missing something." She handed Michonne the earrings.

Michonne smiled. Deanna didn't know how much this small gesture meant to her. Michonne put on the earrings and smoothed the front of her dress. "Thank you so much, Deanna," she said.

"Anytime kiddo. By the way, did you get a chance to talk to Rick?" Deanna said.

 _I knew I wouldn't escape that question_ , Michonne thought. "No, I didn't get a chance to speak with him. I only saw him briefly today," she said.

"Don't put it off any longer. I assigned Abraham security duty for tonight, but I really want you to let Rick know yourself. I don't think it will be right coming from me and plus, it shouldn't come from me," Deanna finished and squeezed Michonne's arm for reassurance.

Michonne smiled. "I will let him know tonight," she said.

"Good, now go mingle," Deanna said as she walked away.

Michonne wasn't sure how to mingle. It had been so long since she mingled. What exactly was _mingling_ anyway? She looked for a familiar face to strike up a conversation with, but they were already consumed in their own discussions. _I need a drink_ , she thought. _Maybe then I can loosen up._ She looked around but the only thing she saw was punch and lemonade. She needed something much stronger than that. She decided that she would tell Rick about her plans to abandoned her job tonight. She needed to say it tonight so that she could plan her next move. But first, she needed a drink.

She left her space next to the staircase and made her way down the hallway towards what she hoped was the kitchen. Jessie's house was similar to hers, but the walls were decorated with the beginnings of a moral of the galaxy. "To Infinity and Beyond" the top of the moral read. _Gag_ , thought Michonne and she resisted a drive heave. _I bet she thought that was really creative,_ she thought rolling her eyes. She found her way to the kitchen. Thankfully it was empty. She scanned the refrigerator for something with an alcohol content.

"Dammit," she said out loud. She continued her search. She opened the cabinets, searched the drawers. Nothing.

"Are you in the search for libations that are not reserved for the tiny?" someone asked from the kitchen door.

Michonne looked up from her search to see Abraham watching her intently. "Oh god, yes," she said hopefully.

Abraham reached inside his coat and pulled out a small flask. "I was saving this for dessert, but I'm always happy to share," he said as he handed Michonne the flask.

She gulped to two largemouth fools without a wince. "Thank you," she said wiping her mouth.

"Much obliged," Abraham said. He took a mouthful of his flask and looked Michonne up and down. "The house is dark, but the lights are on in the barn."

"I'm sorry, what?" Michonne said in confusion. Abraham always had a way of expressing himself that was unlike anything she had ever seen.

He looked down at her chest quickly and then back up to her eyes. Michonne looked down. "Oh," she said and crossed her arms around her bosom. It was cold and she didn't bring a jacket.

"I don't mean to be ungentlemanly," he said taking another sip from the flask and passing it back to Michonne, "but you look as good as a stack of pancakes to a lumberjack."

"Thank you," Michonne said with a smile as she took another swig from the flask. "I thought you were on security duty tonight."

"I was and I am. I just stopped by to talk to Rick real quick. Have you seen him?" Abraham asked.

"No I haven't, I was actually looking for him too," Michonne replied. Whatever was in Abraham's flask had warmed her chest and filled her confidence. She needed to find Rick. She wanted him to see her. It was time to tell him her plan.

"If you see him, tell him I noticed a crack in the gate on the east side. It looks pretty fresh and it's nothing major right now. But if we get a herd coming through, it could pose a potential threat," Abraham said.

"I will let him know," Michonne said.

"Much obliged," Abraham said. He offered Michonne the flask one more time, in which she accepted, and headed back towards the front of the house.

Michonne stood in the kitchen trying to place her thoughts in order. _What the hell was in that flask,_ she thought as her legs began to feel a bit unsteady. It had been a long time since she had anything that strong. _Focus_ , she thought. It was time to find Rick. Where was he? She headed out of the kitchen when she heard voices approaching. It sounded like Maggie and Carol. She wasn't in the mood to talk to them. She needed to see Rick. She hurried from the kitchen to the first door on her right.

She found herself in the garage. It was cold and devoid of any cars. A large paper mache owl sat on the utility table on the left side of the garage. A single light shined down from the middle of the garage. Underneath it stood Rick and Jessie. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. He pulled her body close to his. They were locked in a kiss, oblivious to the world around them. It was the kind of kiss that was the climax of romance films.

Michonne's heart sunk. Had she not been holding onto the door she would have fallen to the ground. She felt like she had been dipped in hot lava. Her body burned all over and she knew it wouldn't be long before the contents of Abraham's flask found their way from her stomach to the floor. She spun around and headed for the door. She needed to get outside. She needed to get away from them. In that moment she was happy she didn't have her katana.

"Michonne! Michonne!" Carol called from the kitchen as Michonne fled for the front door. Michonne kept walking. She couldn't stop. She couldn't turn around. Had it not been for her heels, she would have run. She hit the front door and headed for her house. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks. The cold air freezing them there.

She made her way up the porch to her house. She flung open the door and rushed up the stairs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Daryl asked, awaken from his sleep on the couch. Michonne couldn't answer. She headed to her room and slammed the door.

She had been at the party less than twenty minutes. It had only taken twenty minutes for her world to be torn apart. She had finally seen it for herself. She knew this moment would come. She knew they had shared moments like this before. Their embrace was too natural. She had seen the way he looked at her, the way she looked at him. They were too comfortable. Too comfortable to just be friends. But seeing it in front of her hurt worse than she had ever imagined it would. They were together. She threw herself on the bed and let her tears flow. She hadn't cried so hard since Andrea died. That's what it felt like. Death. She felt dead inside.

It wasn't that she didn't want Rick to be happy. She knew everything he had been through. She had been by his side through most of it. If anyone deserved happiness, it was him. But it was something about him being with _her_. What was it about her that made Rick decide she was the one? _He never considered you_. _You weren't good enough_ , Michonne thought. It wasn't the first time she had thought this. She had never admitted her true feelings for Rick. In fact, she wasn't sure how she really even felt about him.

She had always respected him as her leader and loved him as her friend. But it was hard to spend so much time with him, to fight beside him, to hope, to survive, without wondering what it would be like to _be_ with him. There was no place for love out there. But in here, in Alexandria, somehow she thought it would different. They didn't have to fight anymore. He had time to plan his future. A future she thought would include her. He would realize how much she had meant to him. To them all. He would remember how she had protected his son and daughter like they were her own. He would remember how she had saved his life more times than he could count. He would remember how she brought Carl back from the darkness when he could not. Everyone in their group had found someone. It was the time that he did the same. And when he did, certainly it would be Michonne.

But that didn't happen. He had gone for what was easy instead of what made sense. He had something to prove.

Michonne sat up. She heard footsteps outside her door. She quieted her sobs and listened. She knew the sounds of Rick and Carl's steps: Rick's were slow and steady; Carl's fast and clumsy. _It must be Daryl_ , she thought. The steps were swaggered and quick. He had come to see if she was okay. Hearing no sound on the other side of the door, he turned and went back downstairs. He wasn't exactly the consoling type anyway. Michonne was thankful he didn't open her door. She didn't want him to see her like this.

It was time for her to figure out what she was going to do. She wouldn't stay in this house any longer. And before she could no longer fight her exhaustion and drifted into a restless sleep, she decided she could no longer stay in Alexandria.


	5. Chapter 4 - Luck

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I love reading your feedback. I'm so happy you are enjoying the story so far. We are getting close to the end of Part I. Enjoy!_

 **Chapter 4 - Luck**

Sleep didn't stay with Michonne long. She opened her eyes and peered around her dark room. It was past midnight and the moonlight peeked in through the cracks. The only thing that was visible was her katana. _It's time_ , she thought. She couldn't wait until daybreak. She knew if she didn't leave now, she probably never would. But she could also stay. There were other empty houses. Glenn and Maggie had plenty of room across the street. She didn't have to go. But staying meant seeing them. Surely the day would come when Jessie would enter and never leave. Or worse, Rick, Carl, and Judith would go and never come back. To Michonne, the uncertainty of the future outside the gates was much brighter than the present inside.

She was still wearing the purple dress from the night before. She removed it slowly. It was possible it would be the last time she would ever wear a dress. Where she was going didn't require a dress code.

She opened her dresser drawer and pulled her out her thermal shirt, sweater, and jeans. She dressed and pulled on her boots. She didn't have many possessions. She would have to pack light anyway.

Michonne walked over to her closet and grabbed her backpack from inside. She would only take the necessities. She packed a couple more shirts, two pairs of jeans, and a few undergarments. She would need food and water. Just enough to last for a few days. Rick had taught her how to set a snare and she would scavenge. Plus she had gotten used to going without. She pulled on her poncho, gloves, and grabbed her sword. She listened for any movement within the house. It as quiet.

Quietly, she opened her door and stepped out onto the landing. She went into the bathroom and grabbed her toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. That was the one thing she wasn't prepared to leave behind. As she left the bathroom, she stopped in front of Carl's door. She wanted to see him one more time before she left. It was possible she would never see him again. She opened his door and peered inside. He wasn't there. His bed was still made and Rick's old hat was thrown on top of the lampshade next to his bed. _They haven't come back yet_ , Michonne thought. _Maybe they're not coming back at all._ She shook her head. They weren't her problem anymore.

She walked across Carl's room to his desk. He was in the middle of reading a comic, _Man-Thing Omnibus_. She had found it for him months ago during one her searches for The Governor. He had read it several times since then. She always brought back something for him. She knew he was sad when she left and these little gifts always made him smile. He kept it in his back pocket and managed to hold onto after everything they had been through.

This made Michonne smile. She looked around Carl's room for the last time. She saw a pad of paper and a pen next to his bed. She tore off a piece of paper and quickly scribbled a note. She folded it neatly and slipped it between the last pages of the comic. She walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

As she headed towards the stairs she stopped outside of Rick's room. She thought about going inside. She wanted to look at Judith's crib one more time. She wanted to hold her little blanket in her arms and lock in the memory of her smell. She wanted to look at the picture of Carl and Judith Rick kept on the top of his dresser. She wanted to see their faces one more time. She knew he was not there, but somehow she could not will her legs to walk inside. It would be like intruding on a stranger's space.

It was time for her to go. She had prolonged it enough. They could be on their way back any minute. _If_ they were coming back. Michonne walked down the stairs as quietly as possible. Thankfully, she had always been light on her feet. Years of ballet had blessed her with agility. She had forgotten about that. Forgotten how much she loved to dance.

Daryl was still on the couch. His loud snores filled the living room. He had refused to take that room at the end of the hall. Michonne crept to the front window and looked outside. She scanned the block for any movement. The streets were empty. She would need to stop by Olivia's house first. She needed supplies. Quietly, she opened the door and stepped outside. Pulling her hood over her head, she walked down the steps and headed towards Olivia's house. She didn't look back.

 **…**

Olivia's house was on the next block. She would need to stay out of sight. Abraham would still be on duty and she didn't want to risk running into him. She opted to go the long way around the back of the houses. It would take a few minutes longer, but the risk of being seen was low. She headed into the shadows and with a cat-like procession, proceeded to Olivia's house.

It didn't take her long to reach Olivia's. Thankfully, the house was dark. She walked around to the back door. Hopefully, it was unlocked. It was. She turned the knob and entered.

The house was dark except for a nightlight in the hall. Michonne listened for movement. She heard none and made her way through the kitchen to the garage. The garage was filled with large racks of food, tools, clothes, and other supplies. Michonne headed towards the food. She grabbed a few granola bars, MRE's, a water canteen, and a Big Cat chocolate bar. She moved along the racks until she found a flashlight, matches, a small first-aid kit, and rope. The last thing she needed was a gun. It was not her favorite weapon, but her katana was not good for long distances. Plus, it had been a long time since her blade had met flesh. She grabbed a small pistol from the gun rack. As far she could tell, she had everything she needed for now. Olivia kept meticulous records of all of Alexandria's supplies. She would probably be the first to alert Deanna and Rick that something was wrong. That wasn't Michonne's concern anymore. She packed her supplies in her backpack and headed back to the kitchen. She filled her canteen with water and existed Olivia's house as quietly as she entered.

Abraham had told her there was a crack in the gate on the east side of the compound. With a little work, she hoped she would be able to create an opening. She couldn't go through the front gate. The gates couldn't be opened after 9:00 p.m. and she didn't want anyone asking questions. She would have to go through that crack on the east side.

 **…**

The crack began at the ground and reached up to Michonne's knee. She would need to bend the metal just enough for her to be able to squeeze out. It wasn't going to be easy; she would have crawl. She was small, but it would take some maneuvering to get out. She removed her sword and backpack and knelt down in front of the crack. The wall was aluminum and reinforced with metal beams. Using all of her strength she pushed the crack outwards. It took a few minutes before the metal bent enough to form a small opening. It was no bigger than a small doggy door. It would have to work. She hoped the noise of her bending the metal didn't attract any attention. She looked around. The streets were quiet and the houses were still dark.

Michonne stuffed her backpack through the small hole. She lay down on her belly and wiggled her body through the opening. It was a tight fight. _Oh god, please don't let me get stuck_ , she thought. _The last thing I need is for people to find me stuck in a wall._ She shimmed and squeezed until she was able to free herself. She was outside. For the first time in over three months, she was outside the gates of Alexandria. She reached down and pulled her katana through the hole. She did her best to push the metal back in. She was leaving, but she didn't want to put her former neighbors in danger.

Finally, she stood up and looked around. It was so dark she could not see anything in front of her. She knew it would have been better if she waited for morning, but she didn't want to risk being seeing. She would have to take her chances in the darkness. She pulled her flashlight from her backpack and removed her katana from its case. It was time to go.

 **…**

Jessie sat on the edge of her bed, her bare feet planted on the hardwood floor. She was dressed in a white chiffon nightgown. She had packed it when they fled their home during the first few days of the outbreak. She had bought it for her wedding night. She ran her hands through her hair and stared at the door.

She had debated for over an hour whether or not she should go downstairs. She knew he would be asleep. She imagined him laying on his back, one arm draped over the side of the couch while the other lay gently across his face. She pictured his toned chest rising and falling softly as silent breaths emitted from his body.

It had been a good night. The party had been a success. She hoped Ron thought so. He was strange these days. He rarely talked to her and enjoyed shutting his room door in her face whenever she tried to talk to him. She liked having Carl around. He was always respectful and polite. He said "ma'am" and "thank you." He was nice to Sam. He was nice to her. He was a lot like his father.

It had been a long time since she threw a party. It was one of the few things that brought her joy before the world changed. She had worked many jobs and found the corporate life wasn't for her. She was blessed with good looks and used it to her advantage. Finding a man wasn't hard. She was adaptable. So she married, had children, and settled into suburbia. Her husband, Pete was a doctor and provided a life that didn't require much effort on her part. He never made her happy, but he provided. That was more valuable in a marriage to her. She had a beautiful house, expensive clothes, and a nice car. She made sure breakfast was on the table in the morning and dinner was hot when he got home. She wasn't the kind of woman that ever worked hard for anything she had. She had been lucky and she would be damned if that luck ran out.

She stood up and walked to the window. She had been lucky to find Alexandria. Everything happened so quickly during the first week of the outbreak. Pete had been on duty at the hospital when it started. She could remember that day like it was yesterday. The news spread slowly and then the world ignited. Peter rushed home, burst through the door and told them to pack only what they needed. They had to leave now. Jessie remembered the panic on his face, the fear on Ron and Sam's faces. She grabbed only what she could fit into a small duffel bag. For some strange reason, she grabbed her white chiffon nightgown and stuffed it into her bag as she left her room. It was the last time she would ever see that house again.

Pete didn't make it to the end of the week. He had become ill as they fled. It all happened so quickly. They had stopped at a rest stop not too far from Alexandria. Pete was too sick to drive. Jessie could still remember how the heat emanated from his body like a furnace. She could still hear the sounds of him gasping for air as he choked on his blood. Then… he turned. It was the first time she had seen the horror this new world had brought. He had turned and when he did he rushed for Sam. She watched, paralyzed by fear as Pete's body rose from the slumber of death and pounced upon her son. She didn't know what to do.

It was Spencer that saved Sam, saved them all. He had been out with a group scavenging near the rest stop when he saw Pete turn. He fired one shot, striking Pete in the head. She remembered the screams as Ron and Sam watched their father fall.

Spencer had brought them in. Of course, he did. She was a pretty widow with two sons. She had been saved again. She had been lucky.

Now she stood looking out of the window, pondering her next move. She had listened to Michonne, Sasha, and Rosita during weapons training as they detailed what life was like outside those gates. What would she do if they fell? She wouldn't survive out there. She _couldn't_ survive out there. As she looked out the window, she saw a dark figure emerged from Rick's house. It was too dark to make out the face, but the figure was too small to be Daryl. _Michonne_ , Jessie thought.

She saw her when she entered the party. She had never seen Michonne like that before. Jessie saw how the purple dress clung to her body accentuating her small waist and hips. The color made her look regal. Her skin glowed in the light. She watched as her doe-like eyes scanned the room for a familiar face. _His face_ , Jessie thought. She had hoped she wouldn't come. But now she was there and surely if Rick saw her standing there like that...

Rick was in the garage. He had been helping her set up for the party and went to the garage to get an extension cord. She had to keep him there. She didn't want him to go back inside. Not while she was there.

She rushed to the garage when she saw Deanna approach Michonne. She knew it would only be so long before Rick returned. She had to keep him away. Away from her. He was still searching the garage for the chord when she opened the door. He turned and looked at her when she entered.

"Hey," he said with a smile. "Something wrong?" Seeing Michonne had made her flustered. Her face flushed as she gave him a big smile.

"All is well! I, ah, just wanted to thank you for helping out with Ron's party," she said closing the garage door as she walked towards him. There was something about him that made her heart skip. There was something about his stare that made her feel like he could see through her.

She touched his arm and said, "I really want you to know how much you mean to the boys and me. Losing their father has been rough on them. They haven't had many father figures and having you around has been the best thing that has happened to them since all this started," she finished giving him an even bigger smile.

Rick looked into her eyes. His eyes faltered for a second. Just long enough for her to notice. "I'm happy I could be there for them. I know how hard it was for Carl. These last few months have been great for him too. It's the first time since all this started that he's had a chance to just," he looked around the garage and back at her, "just be" he finished.

"I can't imagine what he has been through, what you've been through. I know the pain of losing a spouse. I thought I would never be the same again after Pete died," she said. She looked away from his eyes when she said this. It was not all true. She had grieved more for herself than for Pete.

"I understand that," Rick said turning his back to her. "I was gone for a long time after Lori died. I knew I could lose her, lose them all. But somehow we kept surviving. We kept moving. But then it happened. One minute she was there, then she was gone. There was so much I didn't get a chance to say. We had our differences and I pushed her away. But I still loved her. Maybe I wasn't in love with her the way I once was, but I still loved her."

"I was gone," he continued. "But Carl brought me back. Judith brought me back. Michonne…" he stopped. Jessie got the feeling he had not meant to say her name.

She grabbed his arm and turned him towards her. He was lost in thought at the mention of her name and Jessie had to bring him back to right now. She needed him to stay in this moment. She looked him in his eyes and said, "And you brought me back."

She kissed him. She kissed him like she had never kissed anyone before. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed herself into him. Did he hesitate? She was not sure, but she could have sworn she felt him stiffen as she pressed her lips against his. But he kissed her back. Slowly at first then passionately. She knew it was the first time his lips had kissed another since his wife.

Jessie heard the garage door open. She knew it was her. She could feel it. Rick's kisses had not ended. He had not noticed she was standing there. Jessie dared a peek. She wanted to confirm her suspicions. She opened her eyes ever so slightly. It was her. She stood there watching them. Her eyes wide. Jessie closed her eyes and kept kissing him until she heard the door close.

Now she stood in front of her window and watched as Michonne walked down the steps and into the night. _What is she up to_ , Jessie thought. She lost sight of her in the darkness. Whatever she was up to, she had a feeling it would surface eventually.

Something about Michonne made Jessie nervous. She was not sure of where she stood with Rick, but she knew Michonne was special. She had been out there with him. Fought with him. Saved him.

And that's why she needed Rick to stay. She didn't want him to return home. Not tonight, not while she was there. She convinced him to stay. Judith was asleep, why wake her? She and Carl could take the spare room. "Why wake Daryl and Michonne? The kids are comfortable here," she said. Something about her name made his eyes flicker. She was almost sure it was her name. She cursed herself for saying it. _It's like he's hypnotized and her name is the safe word_ , she thought. He agreed they would stay. The kids would take the spare room and he would take the couch. He was downstairs asleep now and she needed to go to him.

Jessie left her room and paused on the landing. There was no sound from the rooms. The kids were asleep. She walked down the stairs and into the living room. There he slept. His hair askew, mouth slightly parted. He was on his back, she was right about that. But his hands were folded neatly across his chest. She walked over to him and leaned down close to him. She could smell his amber and sandalwood aftershave. She was happy he shaved his beard. She hated that beard.

"Rick," she called softly. He woke faster than she expected. His eyes flew open in alarm and he sat up quickly almost knocking her over.

"Is everything okay?" he said on the verge is panic. He looked around the house in anticipation of danger.

"Everything is fine," Jessie said gently. She touched his face to calm him. His breath slowed and he leaned back against the couch. He looked at her, noticing her nightgown.

"What's go - " he started.

"Shhh," Jessie said pressing her finger to his lips. She climbed on top of him, pulling his arms around her waist. She kissed him slowing. He hesitated, she could feel his body tensing. _Oh no,_ she thought, _please don't do this now_. "It's okay, Rick", she said pulling her lips from his. "It's okay to let go. It's time to let go."

His blue eyes searched her hazel ones. She knew he was looking into her. She kissed him again and this time he returned her kisses. He moved his hands from her waist to her shoulders. He kissed her neck, pulling her nightgown down, revealing her body in the soft moonlight that lite the living room. She could feel his breaths quickening. She rocked back and forth slowly as she felt him begin to grow under her.

He lifted her up. He was strong. She needed a strong man. She needed him to protect her. And as he lowered her to the couch and placed his body between her's, she knew her luck would eventually run out. But at least it wouldn't tonight.


	6. Chapter 5 - Savior

_One week in and we have reached almost 2,400 views! You guys are awesome. I can't thank you enough. But once again, thank all so much for reading and reviewing. I didn't even think anyone would read one sentence, but here we are, five chapters in. I love reading your messages and talking to you about the story. You guys are the best and I love your passion, anger, and everything in between. We have reached the end of Part I. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy reading it. I'm anticipating your messages. I'm sure when you finishing reading you will need to vent. I'm here for you. Enjoy!_

 **Chapter 5 - Savior**

Michonne ran. She could hear them. She could smell them. Their low raspy breaths filled the air like ashes. It had been so long since she heard that sound. Her heart raced with excitement. Adrenaline rushed through her veins. Could she still do it? Surely she hadn't forgotten.

It was now morning. The sun was just peaking out upon the horizon. She ran. Her boots met the icy ground, but her steps did not waver. _There_ , she thought. Just beyond the trees set an old rusted red pickup truck. Pulling in as much of the frigid as she could inside her lungs, she charged forward.

She had reached it. She turned around to survey how much time she had. They were coming but she had time to ready herself. She looked inside the pickup truck. Empty. She walked around to the bed of the truck. Clear. She walked back to the front of the truck and pulled the door handle. Thankfully, it was unlocked. She removed her backpack and sat it inside. She didn't need it getting in her way. She closed the truck door and looked behind her. They were getting closer. She walked to the back of the truck. Moving her head in a slow clockwise motion, she loosened her neck. Finally, she climbed onto the truck bed and waited.

There were ten of them. She counted as they got close. Ten. She could take ten. She had done much more than that. But that had been a long time ago. She removed her gloves and stored them in her back pocket. It was something about feeling the leather handle in her hand that excited her. She removed her katana from its case and waited.

They were almost there. She could see their hollowed eyes trained on her. They were hungry and they were ready to tear her apart. She raised her sword. "Come on," she said to them.

They had reached her. She inhaled and lowered her sword. With one swift motion, she severed the heads of the first three. Their heads fell to the ground like bowling pins. _Seven left_ , she thought.

She struck again. The blade rained down upon them with accurate precision. Left, right, up, and down. She was a conductor of this morbid symphony. Six, five, four, and three. Two left to go. She raised her sword then stopped. She released her breath. She would need these two. She sighed.

It had been so long since she had to do this. She had hoped she never would again. But here she stood in the back of a pickup truck alone. _You gotta do what you gotta to do_ , she thought. She raised her sword again and lowered into the arm of the first one, removing its arm with one quick motion. It fell without much resistance. She continued to the other arm. The walker showed no emotion and continued to open and close its mouth in anticipation of tasting her flesh.

 _The mouth_ , she thought. She had forgotten her routine. She raised her sword and closed one eye. She zeroed in on her target. She drove her sword through the side of its mouth. The tissue was so soft it was like cutting in to warm cake. It stood there feeling no pain as she slid her katana along the roof of its mouth. She reached the other side and put her katana down. Its mouth dropped down and clung to a tiny bit of flesh just under its neck. One quick stroke of her blade and its mouth hit the ground.

She examined her work. It wasn't a clean cut, but it did the trick. She repeated her routine on the second one. She leaned back against the cab of the pickup truck and collected her breath. She still had it. _I need to move_ , she thought. The space was too open. She jumped off the back of the truck and went to fetch her backpack from inside. They tried to follow her. They attempted to grab and bite, failing to realize she had eliminated these abilities.

Michonne grabbed her backpack and pulled out the rope from inside. It had been so long since she had to do this. She tied the rope around the necks of the walkers and like some grim chariot, she drove them forward.

 **…**

It had been hours since she left Alexandria. It felt like fourteen. At least to the best of her calculations. She walked until night fell, finally taking shelter in an abandoned shed. The shed was no bigger than a small pantry and its roof did little to block the cold air from outside. It would have to do until morning. It was not safe for her to continue her journey in the darkness. She was not even sure where she was going. She knew she had to put as much distance between her and Alexandria as she could. It wouldn't be long before they realized she was gone. Or would they?

The thought that she could leave without anyone noticing was colder than the night air. Surely someone would know she had left. Would they look for her? Daryl was good at tracking. If they came looking, it wouldn't take him long to find her. Would _Rick_ look for her? She did not want him to. As much as he had hurt her over these past few months, she did not want to put him or any of them in danger. She would have to cover her tracks.

If she were found, how would she explain her exodus? She could picture their confused faces as she tried to explain. She would be too embarrassed to tell them the truth. Instead, she would have to make up a lie that would only haunt her later. "Why would anyone want to leave Alexandria," they would say. "We have everything." _They have everything_ , she thought.

Michonne would have to make sure her tracks weren't found. When she left the shed at first light, she used her katana to cut a small branch from a tree. She used the few leaves left on the branch as a makeshift broom. It would take time to gather distance from Alexandria if she covered her tracks, but she wanted her trail to go cold. She didn't want _any_ of them to follow.

 **…**

Michonne walked from sunrise to sunset. She was not sure how many miles she had covered, but when she finally stopped in the evening to rest, her feet burned with fatigue. She would have to find shelter soon. Clouds had begun to form and she knew a storm was brewing.

She could walk no longer and would have to settle between the trees tonight. She had not eaten since morning and her stomach began to rumble. She would have to space out her remaining meals and water so that they would last. How long, she wasn't sure. But hopefully long enough for her to find a place to settle. She hoped at the very least to find an abandoned house or trailer that she could bide her time in. She remembered passing an abandoned rest stop on their way to Alexandria. It was more than thirty miles away. It had already been cleared and no one from Alexandria had a reason to return. With any luck, she could make it there in a couple days. She would have to walk all day. Michonne knew she couldn't remain out long. The area around Alexandria was safe, but further out was dangerous.

A light rain began to fall. Michonne opened her backpack and pulled out a granola bar. It would have to do for the night. It was cold and the rain began to moisten her clothes. She pulled her hood over her head.

As she ate, she watched the walkers hovering in the shadows in front of her. She wondered who they were before the world changed. They had been out here for a long time that much she could tell. It was hard to determine if they were male or female. Their rotting skin clung to their bones.

"You know," she said to them as she ate, "I could have been you. I was almost you. After I lost my son, I wanted to be you. It seemed so much easier to just wander aimlessly. So much easier than running all the damn time. But somehow, for some reason, I made it. I don't know if I was stronger than you or I just got lucky. I'm sorry you didn't make it. I really am. Life has always been unfair. The strong have always prayed upon the weak. But now, the weak have risen up. I am weak. Sometimes I think I've always been."

They lunged at her in a feeble attempt to break free of their restraints.

Michonne sat back against a tree stump and closed her eyes. They would know she had gone by now she thought. Someone should know. They would probably search the entire compound for her. They would discover the crack. She did her best to close the opening back, but surely Abraham would tell Rick that he told her about it. He would know that's how she left. Olivia would know that supplies were taken by now. She would have to tell Rick and Deanna. Of course, Deanna would tell Rick about her meeting with Michonne. How she relieved herself of her job as his partner. He would wonder why she didn't tell him. Daryl would tell him how she came home from the party in a fury. Rick would realize what he had done. How he had abandoned her when they got there and what a fool he had been. He would grab his colt python, slam it into his holster and rush for the gate. He wouldn't rest until he found her.

At least that's what she imagined. Her eyes became heavy. It had been so long since she had a good night's rest. She could no longer fight the urge to close her eyes. The rain began to fall heavier. Somewhere in the distance a bolt of lightning lite up the night sky like fireworks. The crashing waves of thunder made her eyes fly open. She was freezing and wet. The thunder had chased away the yearning for sleep. As she rearranged her wet poncho across her body, she could have sworn she heard the sound of gunfire in the distance.

 **…**

The rain fell steady as she walked in the shadows of the road. She needed the road to guide her, but she needed to stay hidden. Her clothes were soaking wet and she needed to get to the rest stop as soon as possible. The last three nights in the cold air and rain had not been kind to her. She could feel her chest begin to tighten and her body ached. She was weak and needed a place to rest.

It had been four days since Michonne left Alexandria and now she had begun to curse herself for leaving. _I should have just sucked it up_ , she thought. Even the pain of seeing Rick with Jessie wasn't as bad as what she felt right now. Her head was starting to pound. She paused and rested her hand on a nearby tree to steady herself. She tugged on the rope of her walker escorts to stop them. She pulled off her backpack and removed her canteen from inside. She took a few sips of water. Her mouth was dry and the cool water burned as it made its way down her throat. Her eyes began to lose focus. She opened and closed them several times to reset her vision. She blinked and turned her head towards the road.

He was there. Standing in the middle of the road.

"Rick," she said out loud. She could see him. Just beyond the trees. He stood there in the middle of the road smiling at her. He was as beautiful as ever. Even in the rain, his blue eyes shined.

"I'm here Michonne," he called to her. There was something about the way he said her name that always warmed her. She smiled. He had come. He had found her.

"I have something for you," he said. There in his arms was her Andre. His little face beamed at the sight of his mother.

"Peanut!" she exclaimed. "You found my Peanut!" she cried.

"Of course I found him. Come back with us," Rick said, motioning her to come to him. "Carl and Judith are waiting for you. Everyone is waiting for you. Come back with us."

"I'm coming," she said tenderly. She closed her eyes and opened them again. They were gone.

"No!" she screamed. "Please, no! Come back! Please!"

She could not support herself any longer and her legs buckled. She fell to the ground, calling out to them one more time before she blacked out.

 **…**

"Michonne," said a soft voice. She knew that voice. It had been a long time since she heard it. She opened her eyes. Where was she? She looked around. She was in a small cell. She could smell the fragrance of food in the air. Beans. It smelled like beans.

She was on a bed. No, was it a cot? She was not sure. Her head swam with pain.

"Michonne," the voice said again, this time more firmly. She turned her head in the direction of the voice. In the corner of the cell sat a man. He was an older man with white hair and a white beard to match. He had kind eyes.

"Hershel?" Michonne said. It had been so long since she had seen his face. She remembered the last time she saw him… "How are you here?" she asked.

"That's not important right now," he said. His face told her he was not here to answer questions. "Michonne, why are you here?" he asked. His eyes were kind. She always felt an affection towards him. Maybe it's because he was one of the first to accept her into their group.

"I don't know," she said. "I don't remember. I'm too tired to remember. Please just let me sleep." She closed her eyes.

"You got to know your purpose. You have to understand why you're out here. If not you will fail." Hershel said.

Michonne opened her eyes. She stared at the dilapidated cell ceiling. "I have to find my place. I need to find myself, find out who I am in this new world," she said.

"Then find that. But you can't run Michonne. Not in this world now. You can't run from your problems. If that's what you're doing it will come back to bite you in the butt eventually," Hershel said. "Figure it out," he finished.

He stood up and limped over to her. The light hit his prosthetic leg.

"I need you to get up. You have to go," he said. "It's not safe out here. You're sick. You won't survive much longer out here," he finished.

Michonne shook her head. "I'm okay right here. I'm tired. I can't go any further. Please, don't make me get up," she said closing her eyes.

"Michonne!" Hershel shouted. "You have to fight. Get up right now!"

Michonne opened her eyes. It was dark now. She looked around disoriented. The rain had stopped and the clouds had rescinded revealing a starry sky. Had that all been a dream? It had all seemed so real. Tears began to form in eyes. She fought back the overwhelming sensation to scream. She was cold, wet, achy, and tired. Worst of all, she was alone.

She pulled herself up off the ground. The muddy soil did its best to glue her to the earth. How long had she been down there? She looked around for her walkers. They were nowhere to be seen. They had fled when she collapsed. She would have to let them go. It was too dark and dangerous to go searching for a lone pair of walkers. She could always find more. She would have to continue alone for now.

It was becoming harder to breathe. She could feel the fluid building in her lungs as she tried to pull air into them. It was time to move. She grabbed her backpack and katana and continued on her journey.

Michonne walked for several more hours. Each torturous step brought her closer to the hopes of asylum. "You have to fight," she whispered to herself.

It was just before dawn when she spotted it. She could see the outline of the building ahead. She scanned the area for any sign of life or the living dead. It appeared empty. She was in no position to wait and see. She lobbied forward, pulling out her katana.

As she got closer, she could see that most of the windows of the rest stop had been busted. Withered cars were scattered around empty gas pumps. The sign of the rest stop hung by a chord. Gil's, the old sign read.

The rest stop was a testament to the beginning of the outbreak when people searched in vain for any supplies they could find. Old gas cans and clothes littered the ground. Michonne walked past the empty cars. Her ears listened for sound. She readied her katana to strike if needed. She crept slowly to one of the rest stop windows. She pulled her flashlight from her backpack and peered inside. Dust covered furniture was scattered around the floor. Empty racks lined the walls.

Michonne banged her katana against the window seal and listened for any movement. She heard none and proceeded inside. It was cold and damp, but it was better than outside. She would have to find a way to board up those windows. She searched the building for any inhabitants. It was clear. She let out a breath. _This will have to do_ , she thought.

She rummaged through the cabinets and drawers for any item that would be of use. Those that had searched before her left little behind. Her teeth chattered. She needed to get warm. In the back of the rest stop set a small office. She tried to open the door but it was blocked by something on the other side. Michonne pushed with the little strength she had left. The barrier on the other side let out a loud skidding sound as she pushed it out of the way.

Michonne entered the office. The smell hit her first. The office was bare except for a file cabinet and a small desk. Whoever had been here before used the desk to barricade them inside.

In the corner sat a decaying body. It's head pressed against the wall. Dry blood formed a rug under its feet. Michonne walked over to the body. A pair of scissors stuck out from its neck. A small scrap of paper lay next to its rotting hand. Michonne picked up the note. "May God be with you," she read aloud. Michonne let out a deep breath. _This will have to do,_ she repeated to herself again and dragged the body from the office.

 **…**

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away," Michonne sung to herself. The light from the fire made the shadows dance about the walls as she sung. Andre loved that song. It was one of the few children's songs she knew. Her mother had sung it to her and she sang it to her son. He would smile and touch her face as she sung.

She would give anything to feel that touch right now. It had been two weeks since she left Alexandria. Or maybe it was three. Michonne was not sure. She had lost track of time. She spent the first few nights after finding the rest stop in a fever-induced trance. She was more tired than she had ever been. Every nerve in her body throbbed with pain. The cold air and rain had depleted the little energy she had left. Her only remedy was aspirin from the first aid kit she had taken when she left Alexandria. How she pushed through, she was not sure. But here she lay, singing nursery rhymes to herself by the fire.

The road outside had been quiet besides the occasional stray walker, but Michonne was not ready to let her guard down. Using old bottles and cans she found around the rest stop, she tied them to old scraps of clothes to create an alarm. She used the old furniture to block the doors as best she could. It would do little to stop a determined intruder, but at least if anyone managed to get close to her hiding place, she would know.

But it had been quiet. Each passing day slowing erased the thought that anyone would come looking for her from her mind. Not that she expected them to.

She entertained herself by trying to remember the words to nursery rhymes and stories she used to tell Andre. She used to tell Judith those stories too. She allowed her mind to wonder for one quick moment to Judith's chubby fingers reaching for her necklace as she tried to sing her to sleep with Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. She wondered if Judith would remember her.

Sunlight peeked in through the tiny cracks along the window seal. She had run out of food and the only water she had was from the poodles of leftover rainwater. She would have to go out and check her snares later. It had been two days since she caught anything and her stomach had begun a constant rumble.

Suddenly, she heard a crash of glass against the ground. Her makeshift alarm had sounded. She flew to her feet, grabbing her katana along the way up. She strained her ears to listen. The sound was coming from the window on her right. She had draped the windows with old towels and a tarp she found in one of the cars to shield her from the cold and any prying eyes. She had pushed the empty racks against the windows to thwart any attempt to invade her feeble fortress.

And now someone was attempting to intrude. She raised her katana and quietly walked to the window. Whoever it was, they were determined to get inside. She raised her katana ready to strike. The intruder burst through the window, knocking over Michonne's security racks. He rolled and landed on his back. He noticed Michonne as he attempted to stand on his feet. His bright eyes widen with surprise.

He was a few inches taller than her. He wore a dark gray beanie over his long brown hair. His mouth was covered by a tan bandana. He was dressed in a long black leather trench coat and a dark blue vest. His dark brown cargo pants were covered in fresh mud.

Just as Michonne aimed her blade at his neck he shouted, "Please, don't hurt me! I mean you no harm. Please!" he said raising his hands in surrender.

Michonne hesitated. She could easily detach his head from his shoulders in one single stroke. But there was something about his eyes that made her pause.

"Look," he said, "I will leave. I didn't know anyone was here. I was just looking for a place to hide. I ran into some trouble on my way back home." He raised his hand slowly and lowered the bandana from around his mouth. He had a beard and Michonne noticed it was very groomed. He reminded her of -

"My name is Jesus," he said interrupting her thought. "Well, that's not my real name. My real name is Paul, but my friends call me Jesus."

Michonne did not lower her katana.

"Do you have a group?" he asked her. "If you're here all alone," he turned and looked around the room, "Which it looks like you are, I have a group. If you let me go, I will bring you back with me. We have fresh food and shelter. And from the looks of this place, you could use it" he finished.

Michonne glared at him. She was hungry. The thought of a home cooked meal made her stomach rumble even more.

"If your group has so much food that you're willing to offer it to a stranger," Michonne finally said, " then why are you hiding it in your coat?" She had noticed his coat was stuffed with what looked like packets of instant noodles when he stood up.

"Oh this," he said opening his coat, at which Michonne inched her blade closer to his neck. "It's okay, it's okay," he said smiling at her and pulling a packet of noodles from his coat. "This is just something that was taken from us that I went to get back." He offered a packet to her. "Please, take it."

Michonne did not lower her katana. Jesus slowly lowered the noodles to the floor. "For your hospitality," he said still smiling at her.

They suddenly heard the sound of an approaching car. Jesus looked at her and smiled again.

"I'm really sorry I have to do this," he said. Without warning, he grabbed Michonne's arm and twisted it to make her drop her katana. He pulled her towards him and swept his feet around her ankles, knocking her to the floor.

"If you change your mind," he said as he ran to the back of the rest stop, "head north and look for the hill. Tell them Jesus sent you." And he was gone.

"Dammit!" Michonne spat. She knew she should have chopped his head off. She grabbed her sword and headed in the direction he went. He had escaped through the window in the little office where she slept. The tarp she had strung across the small window dangled in the breeze.

She heard footsteps approaching the window. "I bet the asshole is in here," a man said.

Michonne backed away from the window. She grabbed her backpack and ran towards the front of the building. She opened the door.

"Drop it bitch!" a man shouted. He pointed a shotgun at her head. He was tall and balding. His horseshoe mustache spread as he smiled. "I got her Travis," he called to the other man.

Michonne dropped her bag. She glared at him.

"Drop the sword too," he instructed. Michonne did as she was told.

"Now what do we have here," the other man said walking towards them. Michonne assumed this was Travis. He whistled. "Well, I'll be," he said, looking Michonne up and down. "What are we going to do with her?" he asked licking his lips in delight.

Michonne fought back the urge to gag.

"We'll take her back and let him decided," the man with the mustache said.

"I didn't do anything," Michonne spat at him. "I've been here for the last two weeks. I lost my group and I've been here ever since. And if you don't mind, I would like to keep it that way," she finished.

Travis walked towards her and picked up her backpack. He pulled the gun from inside and showed it to the man with the mustache. He whistled and walked inside of the rest stop. He returned a few seconds later. "Looka here," he said holding up the packet of noodles. "Now, where you get this," he asked.

Michonne sighed. "Jesus," she whispered to herself.

"Jesus?" the man with the mustached laughed. "Now you're just digging yourself a hole girl. Let's go," he said motioning for Michonne to walk towards the car.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she said balling her fist.

"Okay, I guess we're going to do it your way," the man with the mustache said. He took the butt of the shotgun and struck Michonne in the head. The only thing she saw was his smiling face as she fell to the ground.

 **…**

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Judith, happy birthday to you!" they all sang. Abraham louder than all of them. Birthday parties always made him happy and plus he had taken a few swigs from his flask.

"Now blow out your candles!" Michonne said. She lowered the pink birthday cake in front of Judith. Instead of blowing out the candles, Judith sunk her chubby fingers in the icing. She stuck her hand in her mouth and screamed with delight at the taste of the sweetness on her tongue. They all laughed.

"I told you she was going to do that," Carl said laughing as he blew out the candles for his sister.

"I know, I know," Michonne smiled. "But I had to try!"

Rick kissed Judith on the forehead, avoiding her icing smeared cheeks. "Happy birthday princess," he said smiling at her. Judith laughed with glee.

They all stood around the table laughing as Judith offered her icing-covered fingers to Rick.

"I'll pass," Rick laughed. He stood up and kissed Michonne. He rubbed her belly. It was growing. "You all right?" he asked.

She looked around at all of them. "I've never been better," she said with a smile and kissed him back.

"You just took a shotgun to the mouth and you've never been better?" a voice said.

Michonne sat up. She had been jostled from her dream. Her head felt like it weighed a ton. She lifted her hand and felt a knot on her forehead. She must have been out for a while. Was it dark now? She could not tell for the room had no windows. She was laying on top of a soft white duvet on a silver metal framed bed. The corners of the bed were capped with crystal finials. It reminded her of her old bed. The bed she had before the world went to hell. She loved that bed.

She looked around the room. There was something strange about it. It looked surprisingly _comfortable_. The walls were a soft white. A picture of the Golden Gate Bridge hung above a beautiful wood desk. On top sat small radio and a vase full of winter jasmines. A tall bookcase stood in the corner next to the bed. It was full of books. Wilde, Poe, Faulkner, and more. Good books as far Michonne could see. On the other side of the bed was a nightstand with a crystal lamp. It matched the finials on the bed. _Someone actually took the time to match the bed and the lamp_ , Michonne thought in bewilderment. Out of all of the crazy things she had seen in this new world, this was perhaps the most shocking. Her katana was propped against the door. She thought about lunging for it, but somehow she didn't think that would be a good idea.

And there in the corner, next to the desk sat a dark leather recliner. It was not empty. The man that had spoken sat there watching her intently. His hair was dark, but his beard had begun to gray. He was tall and slim, but he was imposing. He wore a black leather motorcycle jacket that was zipped up all the way and a red scarf that was tucked neatly into the top of his jacket. His dark gray chinos were tucked into his black boots. His strong jaw lowered to reveal a set of startling white teeth as he beamed at her.

"I asked you a question, young lady," the man said. "And I repeat, you just took a shotgun to the face and you've never been better?" he asked emphasizing the last two words. He smiled at her. "I guess you were dreaming. That must have been a hell of a dream," he finished still smiling at her. Michonne did not respond. She glared at him.

"Okay, let me go around this another way," the man said. "Let me just get to the point. I want to know why you were stealing from me," his smile faded.

"I didn't steal a damn thing from you," Michonne said venomously.

"Oh, shit you can talk," the man exclaimed. "I thought for a minute I was going to have to do sign language," his smile returned. "If you didn't steal from me, then how did you get this?" he asked holding up the noodles.

"Someone gave them to me," she said.

"That's right! Simon said you told him that _Jesus_ gave them to you!" the man said, his smiling getting even bigger. "Jesus finally came back and started handing out noodles!" the man said still smiling.

Michonne could have told him about Jesus. The _Jesus_ she had met today. But somehow, she didn't think that would help her situation. "You have your noodles, now can you just let me go?" she asked.

The man examined her. "No," he said, suddenly leaping to his feet. "At least not yet. You have something that interests me." He stood up and grabbed her sword. "You know how to use this?" he asked removing it from the case.

Michonne did not respond.

"Okay, I see we are back in a silent movie," the man said with a smile. "I asked you a question," he said pointing the tip of the katana at her.

"Yes, I know how to use it," Michonne finally said. The last thing she wanted to do was be killed by her own sword.

"Now that is badass," the man proclaimed as he leaned back in excitement. His face lit up with glee. "Do you have a name for it?" he asked putting the katana on the bed next to her.

She glanced at her sword. The man caught her eye. He shook his head. She knew she better not chance it. "No, I don't have a name for it," she said coolly.

"Well that's rather unfortunate," the man said actually looking disappointed. "You need one. It helps make a connection. You see," he said as he walked over to the chair. He pulled a baseball bat from behind it. There was nothing special about it except for the barbed wire wrapped around the top. "This is Lucille. She's my old lady. I never go anywhere without her," he showed Michonne the bat. He watched her closely as she looked at it. He set the bat gently on the bed next to her sword.

"I have a proposition for you. You accept and we can forget about Noodlegate," he said smiling. Michonne had never seen anyone smile so much besides Jessie. "I want you to work for me. You carry a sword I find that badass. Badass people do badass things. And I like badass things!" he said. He smiled, "Plus, I've never seen a chick with a sword and I must admit the thought kind of makes my dick tickle." He rubbed his hands together.

"And what if I don't accept?" Michonne asked.

"What is your name?" he asked ignoring her question. He picked up the bat and swung it like someone had thrown an invisible baseball.

Michonne found this unnerving. She figured she better answer. She got the feeling he was not one to try. "It's Michonne," she said.

"Michonne," he repeated and stopped mid-swing. "Michonne. I like that name. Michonne. It just kind of rolls off the tongue," he smiled. "Think about it Michonne and get back to me. I'll have Dwight bring you some dinner," he said as he walked towards the door.

"Are you holding me prisoner here?" Michonne asked angrily.

"Hey, what's with all of the hostility," the man said turning around to face her. "I just offered you dinner and a nice place to stay for the night and that's how you talk to me? That is so uncool. And judging by what Simon said about your previous accommodations, I'm doing you a favor," he finished. His smile had faded.

He actually looked hurt. "How about just saying thank you," he said. He slung Lucille over his shoulder and turned his back to her.

He was pouting and for some reason, Michonne couldn't help herself. She laughed. "Thank you," she said in between chuckles. Maybe it was the knot on her head, but as angry as she was, there was something about the man that she found amusing.

He turned around and faced her. His smile returned. "Your welcome Michonne," he said. "Now, relax and think about my offer. I expect an answer in the morning," he smiled and opened the door. "I'm leaving your sword. I would think twice before using it," he finished.

"Wait," Michonne called to him.

He turned around and smiled at her.

"What is your name?" she asked.

"Where are my manners!" he exclaimed slapping his bat free hand against his forehead. He walked towards her and extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Negan."


	7. Chapter - 6 - Officer Friendly

_Thanks so much for reading! We are now in Part II and its time to go back to Alexandria. I hope you enjoy! Also, I just want to note this time and this time only to the one person that keeps saying this isn't a Richonne story, this is not a Richonne story is not about rainbows and sunshine. If you're looking for that kind of story, I'm sure there's one out there for you. This is my story and my ideas. If you don't like it, I suggest you find a story you do like or write your own. I'm building a plot around my ideas. Isn't that what FanFiction is about? For those of you who are following the story and are enjoying it so far. Thank you!_

 _I want to add, that up until this point we have only known Michonne's point of view. We have no idea how Carl or Rick feel about anything other than how Michonne's perceives them to feel towards her. I also want to add, Carl likes Jessie because she is his friends mom. There's never been any indication that Carl, likes Jessie for **Rick**. Keep that in mind as you read. :) Enjoy!_

 **Part II**

 **Chapter 6 - Officer Friendly**

"Get down!" she said, pulling his arm hard to lower him to the ground. He crouched down next to her. He could smell her cherry lip gloss as he leaned his head close to hers for a better view. There were maybe a hundred of them standing in some kind of weird formation like they were swaying to some silent song. One false move and they would know they were there.

"Over here," she whispered in his ear. Silently she crept towards a hollow tree. She squeezed inside and motioned him to join her.

He obeyed her command and slipped inside the tree. They were close. The cherry lip gloss filled the hollow with a sweet aroma. He looked at her. She was pretty. It had been a long time since he had been around a girl his age. She was looking at him too. The edge of his hat touched her forehead. She smiled. He leaned in to kiss her when suddenly a walker lurched inside and grabbed her. She screamed in agony as it sunk its teeth into the side of her face.

Carl's eyes flew open. He was covered in sweat and his heart beat like a drum. He looked around the room. He was safe. It had only been a dream. He inhaled and exhaled until his breaths became even. It had been a long time since he had a nightmare. Judith began to stir. Her face grimaced as she was awakened from her sleep. She had been sleeping next to Carl and his troubled sleep had interrupted hers. He knew it wouldn't be long before she woke the entire house.

They had stayed at Jessie's house that night. For some reason that Carl didn't understand. They only lived four houses down. "Why wake up Michonne and Daryl?" she said. His father had agreed and he followed what he was told to do.

He still didn't understand why they needed to stay when they were _only_ four houses down. Now Judith was awake and she was becoming agitated. Carl got up off the bed and turned on the lamp next to the bed. He picked Judith up and cradled her head in his hand. Her lips began to curl and Carl knew what was coming next. Her diaper was wet.

 _Great_ , Carl thought. He looked around the room. Jessie's spare room was only big enough to fit a twin size bed and a desk. He didn't see Judith's diaper bag. It must be downstairs in the living room. He rocked Judith in his arms and opened the door. The house was quiet and he knew Judith would make it her personal duty to bring that to an end.

Carl walked down the stairs and fumbled his way towards the living room. It was dark, but in the moonlight, he could just make out Judith's diaper bag near the fireplace. Judith gave a small cry. He knew he didn't have long before the avalanche started. He walked into the living room and past the couch.

Carl didn't see them at first. In his quest to retrieve the diaper bag and return to the room he passed right by them. He reached for the diaper bag and stopped.

He heard breathing. Not one breath, but two. He turned his head slowly. His mouth opened in shock. There, on the couch lay his father. It was dark, but Carl could see her. Her blond hair was spread across his father's chest. Her head was turned away from him, but Carl could hear her soft breaths. She was asleep. Asleep on top of his father.

He could not move. Carl was frozen in place. Did they not expect anyone to see? They were in the living room. Did they not think that Sam, Ron, or he could come downstairs at any moment and find them? Carl's jaw tightened. Seeing his father like this made him angrier than he could explain. Was it seeing his father like this or seeing his father like this with _her_ that made him angry? He was not sure. He felt embarrassed, ashamed to see his father this way. Had he no decency?

Carl clinched his teeth. His face was hot. His anger was growing. Judith was becoming irate. He had to get out of the house. Out of _her_ house now. He didn't want his father to wake up and find him standing there. He bounded for the door. He had left his shoes upstairs. He would have to leave them. He couldn't stay another moment in this house. He opened the door and slammed it behind him. He knew he had woken them. The sound of the door slamming probably woke up the whole house. He didn't care. He left Judith's diaper bag, his shoes, and his father behind.

...

Rick woke with a panic at the sound of the door slamming. He had forgotten Jessie was on top of him as bounded to his feet. She tumbled to the ground as he searched around in the darkness for his gun. He had left it at home. He didn't think he needed it for a birthday.

"Is everything okay Rick?" Jessie asked sleepily. She looked around at the door. "Did someone go out or come in?" she asked.

"I don't know," Rick said looking around for any indication that something was wrong. "I'm going to check on the kids."

He ran up the stairs to Jessie's spare room. Sam and Ron had come out of their rooms at the sound of the door slamming. Sam rubbed his sleepy eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he asked Rick.

"Everything is fine," Rick said, wishing he believed it as he said it. He opened the door to the spare room. It was empty. His heart pounded faster.

"Are the kids okay," Jessie said coming up the stairs. "I don't see anything wrong downstairs."

"Carl and Judith are gone," Rick said rushing past her down the stairs.

"Gone! I'm sure they're okay," she called after him.

Rick was not listening. He ran back to the living room and grabbed his clothes. He saw Judith's diaper bag by the fireplace. Carl wouldn't leave with Judith without her bag. Something had to be wrong. He grabbed the bag, rushed to the door. Putting on his boots as he made his way outside.

"Wa-!," Jessie called. Rick was not listening. He closed the door and headed for home.

He ran down to his house and sprinted up the front steps. He threw opened the door and turned on the lights. Everything looked fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Daryl had been laying on the couch. He stood up and grabbed his crossbow, pointing it at Rick.

"What the hell!' he shouted. "This is the third time tonight someone has come flying through that door and I'm getting tired of it!"

"Have you seen Carl," Rick asked doing his best to control his fear.

"Yeah," Daryl said. "He and little Ass Kicker went upstairs about 5 minutes ago. Everything okay?" Daryl asked. He moved the hair from in front of his eyes to get a better look at Rick.

"Everything's fine," Rick said as he walked up the stairs. Why had Carl left Jessie's house like that? At this time of night? And with Judith? Rick's fear had turned to anger. He went to Carl's room and opened the door.

Judith was laying on Carl's bed playing with her stuffed toy. She sat up at the sight of Rick. "Da da!" she called to him.

Carl was on the edge of his bed. He did not look at Rick when he opened the door.

"Carl," Rick started, "Why in the hell did you go running out of the house with Judith at this time of night? Are you crazy?"

"Am I crazy," Carl said with a snicker. "Let's not talk about crazy."

"Excuse me?" Rick said.

"You heard me," Carl said. He glared at his father. He wasn't backing down.

"I don't know who you're talking to like that, but you better change your attitude. And you better do it quickly," Rick said angrily. It had been a long time since he had taken that tone with Carl.

Judith was becoming upset. She could sense a fight brewing between her father and brother.

"I want to know why you left the house with Judith? You woke up the whole house slamming the door like that," Rick continued. "And you left her diaper bag." Rick sat the bag down next to the door.

"And I want to know," Carl said getting off his bed and walking towards Rick, "Why you were laying on the couch with Jessie. Did you not think anyone would see you? Are you that desperate?" Carl finished, raising his voice.

Rick's neck began to burn. Carl had seen him. He had seen him on the couch with Jessie. _Dammit_ , he thought. He had not meant for him to find them that way. She had come downstairs and caught him off guard. The second time she had done that.

Rick didn't know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth several times. Carl stood glaring at him, waiting for an answer.

"I'm sorry," were the only words that came to mind.

Carl rolled his eyes. He turned away from his father and went to his desk. He picked up his comic book and flipped through the pages angrily.

Rick stood there trying to find something to say. He could not. He reached for Judith. She clung to his shirt and looked from her dad to her brother.

"I'll take Judith," was all Rick could say.

"Yeah, you do that," Carl said not looking up from his comic.

Rick turned to leave. He glanced back at his son one more time before leaving the room. He could understand Carl being embarrassed by what he had seen. No kid wants to see their parent that way, but why was he so angry?

Daryl met Rick as he walked out of Carl's room. "I don't know if this is the right time, but we have a situation," he said. He turned and headed back down the stairs.

Rick followed. Abraham was at the door. Rick could tell by his face that he didn't bring good news.

"What's going on?" Rick asked.

"I'm not sure of the severity as of yet, but during my security detail, I located a crack on the east side of the gate. During my last rotation, I noticed that the crack had been altered," Abraham said.

Rick looked at him in confusion.

"I spoke with Michonne about it and she said she would let you know," Abraham added. "It was just a crack when I told her, but now it looks like someone came in or went _out_."

"Wait," Rick began, "Michonne was supposed to be on duty tonight. I didn't see her at the party."

"Negative, Deanna asked me to take over for Michonne tonight," said Abraham. "Michonne _was_ at the party. That is where I relayed the message. She said she would pass on the information to you. In fact, she said she was looking for you."

"I didn't see her," Rick said. "I never left the room except to go to the gar-," he stopped. Michonne had been at the party, but he had not seen her. He didn't even know she was there. Why had she looked for him and left the party before she found him? And why had Deanna asked Abraham to take over Michonne's shift?

"Daryl, you said when I opened the door that was the third time tonight?" Rick asked.

"Yeah, Michonne came back here about twenty minutes after she left," Daryl said. "She was pissed about something. She slammed the door and ran up the stairs. I went up after her, but I could hear her crying in her room. I figured I better just leave her be for now."

Rick's head began to spin. He turned around and went back up the stairs. Judith grabbed the collar of his shirt and held it tightly in her little hand.

He went straight to Michonne's room. It was empty. The bed was made. Her katana was gone.

Something was wrong. Rick ran back downstairs. "She's gone," Rick said to Abraham and Daryl.

"Show me this crack," Daryl said to Abraham. He grabbed his crossbow.

"This way," Abraham said.

"I'll be there in a minute," Rick said to them. They nodded and headed outside.

Where was she? It was not like her to do something like this. She wouldn't just leave. Not without telling him or Carl. But it had been so long since he had really talked to her. Why was that?

Rick's neck began to burn again. "Carl," he called. No answer. "CARL!" he shouted.

Carl came down the stairs. He stopped at the last stair.

"Carl, I need you to take Judith. I think Michonne is gone. I'll explain more when I have more to explain. But I need to meet Daryl and Abraham." He handed Judith to Carl.

Carl did not take her. He stood on the bottom stair, staring at his father. He held his comic book in one hand. A small piece of paper in the other. Tears were rolling down his cheek. He held the paper out for his father to take.

Rick took the paper. His heart sunk as he read. _You have been loved, you are loved, and you will always be loved. Forever, M._


	8. Chapter 7 - Divided

_Hi Everyone! I hope you had a great holiday. I apologize for the delay! Life has gotten busy these last couple of weeks. I'm working on my MBA right now, plus I work full time so I had a lot of things to catch up on. Thank you to all of you that messaged me. I will catch up on your messages and reviews and reply to you soon. This chapter picks up after Rick and Carl discover Michonne has left. Enjoy!_

 **Chapter 7 - Divided**

Rick headed out the door to meet Daryl and Abraham. His head was spinning from the shock that Michonne had left. Or had she? It was quite possible that she had just left for the evening. Maybe she was next door with Sasha or across the street with Glenn and Maggie. That didn't seem likely. Since they had settled in Alexandria, she hadn't spent much time with the group. But, she would not leave. She had no reason to. Everything she had was inside Alexandria.

They didn't talk like they use to and barely spent any time together. Rick couldn't remember the last time he had an actual conversation with Michonne. Lately, their only time together had been brief moments they met in passing. He was not sure if he was purposely keeping his distance from Michonne or if she was doing the same to him. An invisible barrier had formed between them and Rick was not sure what had caused it. _She changed_ , Rick thought as he walked down the front steps. But he had changed too.

Rick was different. Alexandria had changed him. He no longer had to worry about where they would sleep at night or when their next meal would be. Most importantly, _he_ didn't have the burden of being in charge of those things. The burden of protecting the people he loved had fallen on his shoulders for too long.

He was tired. The pain of loss after loss had numbed him inside. The carnage he had left in his tracks no longer haunted him at night. He was fallen deeper and deeper. He was starting to lose himself.

But now he had Alexandria. It had been months since he had to raise his gun. Most importantly, the stress of being in charge belonged to Deanna and not him. It was the first time since everything started that Rick had the chance to simply just rest. With rest came the time to reflect on everything he had been through, everyone he had lost and everyone that had died at his hands. The things he had to do to survive and the blood he shed, were behind him now. He yearned to go back to who he was before this all started. If that was even possible, he was not sure. But he had to try.

"Rick!" Jessie called pulling him from his thoughts. She ran to meet him. She was dressed in a pink robe and slippers. Her blonde hair fell neatly around her face as she stopped in front of him. She carried a pair of black boots in her hands. "Carl left his shoes at my house," she said with a smile. "Is everything okay? Are Carl and Judith okay?" she asked.

"Carl and Judith are fine. Judith wasn't feeling well so he decided to take her back home," Rick said. He decided against telling her about Carl seeing them on the couch. He was not sure how she would react. "Can you just leave the shoes on the porch. I have to go take care of something," Rick said, looking towards the direction of the cracked gate.

"Um, sure," Jessie said in confusion. " It's kind of late to be wandering around. What's going on?" she asked, reaching for his hand.

Rick knew she was expecting something more than that. He had abruptly left her in the middle of the night without much of an explanation. As much as he was embarrassed by Carl seeing them on the couch, he was also relieved that he did not have to face her in the morning. She had caught him by surprise on the couch. He had not expected their relationship to go there. He wasn't even sure they had a relationship. But it happened and he had not had time to consider what this meant. She was kind to him and his children. At times she reminded him of how Lori was when they first met. Though he was not sure if that was a good thing. He liked spending time with her because she was familiar. Familiar was good to Rick. He had enough of the unpredictably in people. Yet he could not ignore the emptiness he felt inside at the touch of her hand.

"To be honest, I'm not sure. I think Michonne might have left. I can't confirm that yet, but it looks like it," he said. He looked at Jessie. She gave him a half smile and looked towards her house. She suddenly looked anxious to return there.

"Did you see Michonne at the party? Abraham said she was there, but I didn't see her. Apparently, she was looking for me" Rick said.

"Um, no, I didn't see her. I figured she didn't come. She's not very social so I wasn't surprised. I'm sure she's fine. Um, I better get back home. Sam couldn't go back to sleep so I should go back and check on him," she said as she turned around and headed back to her house. Carl's boots still in her hand.

Rick stared at her for a second as she walked away. Something was wrong. Whatever her problem was, it would have to wait. He headed towards the east side of the compound.

When he arrived, Daryl and Abraham were down on their knees examining the opening. Abraham shined his light through it and stuck his head out of the opening. It was bent as if someone had gone out.

"She must have left through here," Daryl said not turning around to look at Rick.

"We don't know if she has left," Rick said, more to himself than to Daryl. He still could not fathom Michonne would leave. She wouldn't leave Carl and Judith. She wouldn't leave him.

Daryl stood up and stared at Rick. "Where do you suppose she is then?" he asked.

"She could be anywhere. Maybe she's at Glenn and Maggie's or at Sasha's. She could be anywhere," Rick said.

"Negative. She is not at any of those locations. I checked on my way here. I can see some footprints out there," Abraham said pulling his head back in and standing up to look at Rick. "They look like small feet. Two different sets. It's too dark for me to see what direction they went past the opening. So what do we do now?" he asked.

"Wait, you see two different sets of prints?" Rick asked Abraham.

Abraham nodded. "Probably walkers. I didn't notice anything unusual while I was on patrol. I don't think we have to worry about anything inside here."

 _If she had left, did she find trouble on the other side?_ Rick thought. He shuddered. It was too dark to search for her now. The opening was too small for any of them to fit through anyway. They would have to go through the gates to get to the other side of the opening.

"Let's wait until morning. We need to make sure she's gone before we go out there," Rick said.

"You think she's in here playing hide and seek with us?" Daryl asked sarcastically.

"No, I don't think she's playing hide and seek," Rick said. He was beginning to get annoyed. "I need to make sure she is really gone before we go through those gates. I'm not putting anyone in jeopardy. Anyway, its Deanna's call if she wants to look for her. I don't make those kinds of decisions," he finished.

"And what if Deanna doesn't want to look for her? You telling me you're going to leave her out there?" Daryl spat. He was getting angry.

"I'm not saying that," Rick said defensively. "I'm not in charge here. It's up to Deanna how she wants to handle things. That was part of the deal with them allowing us here. Look, if Michonne did leave, she left for a reason and I'm not sure she would want us coming after her. She will come back when she is ready," Rick said, wishing he was more confident about that statement.

Daryl glared at him. His hand flenched. Rick wondered was he resisting the urge to throw a punch.

"You know what," Daryl said walking to Rick and stopping inches away from his face. "I know your comfortable here walking the streets like Barney Fife and making googly eyes at blondie," he pointed his index finger at Rick's chest, "but the Rick Grimes I knew, wouldn't ever say some shit like that. Especially not about Michonne. If she left, she left for a reason. Whatever that reason was, it don't mean we leave her out there. You more than anyone should be out there looking for her. As much as she has saved your ass."

Rick opened and closed his mouth. He was not sure what to say. He would never want to leave Michonne in harm's way. He had not meant to sound as if he would. But deep down inside he didn't want to go out there. It had been so long since he had been out those gates. Going out of those gates meant going into harm's way. It meant putting people in danger. It meant people could die.

Before he could think of something to say, Daryl turned and walked back towards the house. Rick knew he would go to look for her. No one could stop him from doing what he was determined to do.

"I guess we should head back," Abraham said. Rick forgot he was standing there.

"Yeah, we better head back. I will talk to Deanna in the morning. She will figure out what we are going to do about Michonne. We need to get that opening patched up also," Rick said.

Abraham nodded and gave Rick a worried glance. "I guess we will convene in the morning," he said.

"Yeah, I guess so," Rick said.

Abraham turned to leave, but stopped and stared at the opening one more time. "You know, I tried to hide who I became. I hated myself and the things I've done," he said. "But one thing I do know is that you can't cover wounds with dirty bandages," he finished as he turned and walked away leaving Rick in the darkness.

 **…**

Carl was waiting for Rick when he returned home. Judith had fallen back asleep and lay peacefully in Carl's arms.

"Did you find her?" he asked nervously as he got up from the couch to meet his father at the door.

"No," Rick said tiredly as he reached out to take Judith from Carl.

"I don't understand why she would leave. It didn't seem like anything was wrong when I saw her at the party," Carl said walking back to the couch. He sat down and covered his face with his hands. His hair fell down around them.

"You saw her at the party?" Rick asked. It seemed like he and Jessie were the only ones that hadn't seen her.

"Yeah. Enid and I were walking to the party when we saw her at the front door. She looked really nice. I've never seen her look that way before. I should have told her that. She seemed different. Not bad different. Just different. I should have talked to her more, but Enid and I went upstairs to meet our friends," Carl said.

This was news to Rick. He had assumed Carl was already at the party when he got there. He had left before him.

"I'm sure Michonne will come back if she left. It's not like her to go running off. Especially out there. There isn't anything out outside these gates. I know she has been different these last few months. Maybe she just needs some time to herself," Rick said.

"I guess everyone is different now," Carl said. "Are we going to go look for her?" he asked.

"I don't know," Rick said. "That's up to Deanna."

Carl stared at him. His face was a cross between anger and disbelief.

"Are you really going to let Deanna decide if we look for her? She's one of _us_! Deanna doesn't decide what _we_ do. If Michonne is out there, we need to find her," he said as he stood up and headed for the stairs.

"Carl wait!" Rick said reaching for his arm to stop him. Carl pulled his arm away. "I will speak with Deanna and we will figure out what needs to be done," Rick said.

"What happened to you?" Carl asked Rick, tears forming in his. As much as he was becoming a man, it was moments like this that reminded Rick he was still a little boy at heart. "I know you're happy now that you don't have to make the decisions. I get that. But you act like we haven't been through everything we went through. Michonne has always been there for us. We can't just let her go out there on her own without finding out why. Maybe it's our fault she's gone. _We_ should have known something was wrong," Carl said. "If you won't look for her, then I will," he finished and ran up the stairs.

"I don't want you outside those gates!" Rick yelled after Carl.

Rick waited for the sound of Carl's door slamming. It came a few seconds later.

"Dammit," Rick cursed to himself. Judith let out a tiny cry. "Shhh," Rick whispered, rubbing her back to soothe her back to sleep. "I'm sorry, shhh," he said to her. He walked to the couch and sat down. His head was beginning to throb. Rick knew whatever he had been trying to build in Alexandria was over. There was no going back in this new world.

 **…**

Carl had never been so angry with his father. _Since when did Deanna make decisions about our group?_ Carl thought. As he lay down on his bed, his anger briefly shifted from his father to himself.

He had seen Michonne. Why hadn't he noticed something was wrong with her? She was his best friend. She was the closest thing he had to a mother. If anyone should have known something was wrong with her, it should have been him or his father. They shared a house. Why hadn't they noticed? Carl racked his brain for answers to these questions.

 _It's his fault_ , he thought. He did not understand why he felt such animosity towards his dad, but seeing his dad with Jessie and Michonne leaving made him resent his father. _If he won't look for her, then I will_ , Carl repeated in his head. He wasn't going to sit back and let someone decide Michonne's fate. Getting outside the gate wouldn't be easy, but he knew just the person to see.

Before the sun had fully risen, Carl had made a plan. He would wait until his father went to meet with Deanna. He needed to go to Olivia's to get some supplies. No one was allowed to keep a gun in Alexandria unless they had a specific reason. This was one of the rules Carl hated. There was no way to justify why a 15-year-old would need a gun. No matter what he had done outside, it didn't matter inside Alexandria.

He would get his supplies and find Enid. She had been over the gates before without getting caught. If anyone could get him outside to find Michonne, it would be her. His plan was set. At least part of it. He looked down at his feet. He still needed his boots.

 **...**

"And you're sure she left?" Deanna asked. She sat directly across from Rick in her dining/conference room holding a cup of coffee. She had been about to sit down for breakfast when Rick, Abraham, Sasha, Rosita, Tara, Glenn, and Maggie knocked on the door. The news that Michonne had left meant that bagel would have to wait.

"Yes, she is gone. I checked with the group and they have not seen her. Her things are gone and she left Carl a note. I'm not sure it was meant as a goodbye letter, but it sure seemed like it" Rick said. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the group burning into him. They insisted on accompanying him to meet Deanna. They wouldn't have it any other way. Rick got the sense that they all shared some kind of responsibility for not noticing something was wrong with Michonne. He also got the sense that they all blamed him more than they blamed themselves.

Deanna sighed. "I knew she was working out somethings but I didn't expect her to leave," she said. "Did she speak to you yesterday?"

"No," Rick said quietly. Even Deanna knew Michonne wanted to speak to him. _Everyone knew but me_ , Rick thought. "Abraham mentioned that she was looking for me, but I never saw her. I didn't get back home until early this morn-," he stopped. He didn't feel like getting to the events of that morning.

"Look, Rick, Michonne came to me yesterday because she wanted to quit her job. She wanted me to tell you, but I thought it would be a good idea that she spoke with you first," Deanna said.

"Did she say why she wanted to quit?" Rick asked in surprised. _Why would she tell Deanna before me?_ Rick thought, _and what things was she working out?_ He knew their relationship wasn't as strong as it once was, but for her to confide in Deanna and not him made Rick annoyed.

"She said she wanted to figure out what she wanted for her," Deanna replied. She took a sip of her coffee. "So, what do you want to do?" she asked.

"That's not up to me to decide," Rick said. He was beginning to feel anger towards Michonne. Why would she quit and leave without telling him? How could she leave Carl and Judith without saying a word? Surely she knew they would come looking for her. Now she was putting people at risk. It was not like her to be so reckless.

"You're right," Glenn said, turning his head from Rick to Deanna. "It's not up to Rick to decide. It's up to all of us. She's a member of this group first. We will do whatever we have to do to find her," he finished.

The rest of the group nodded. Rick looked down at his hands.

"Rick," Deanna began, giving him an authoritative look. Rick looked into her eyes. He imagined that was how she used to talk to other politicians. "I know you are probably angry with Michonne for leaving. It is not like her to do something like this. But I know she was having a tough time lately. I'm not sure if she was thinking straight when she left. Whatever her reasons, we should do our best to find her. If she doesn't want to come back then we will have to accept that." Deanna's expression softened.

"We better go prepare. It looks like a storm is coming so we should head off soon," Sasha said. "That is if you're coming with us," she added giving Rick a look of defiance as she stood up to leave.

Before Rick could reply, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Deanna called. Olivia came into the room. She was holding a binder under her arm. Her face was flustered and she eyes were red.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt," she said looking from Deanna to the rest of the group.

"It's okay, we were was just leaving," Rick said as he stood up.

"No, I wanted to talk to both of you," Olivia said looking from Rick to Deanna. She set the binder down on the table between them. "I was doing my morning inventory and I noticed a few items were missing. Not much though, just some food. But," she gave Rick and Deanna a worried glance, "A gun was also missing." She let out a breath and waited for a reply.

"Thank you for letting us know Olivia," Deanna said.

"I'm so sorry, I must have left the garage open. No one has ever taken anything before. I should have checked before I went to bed. I prom-," she stopped as Deanna motioned for her to leave.

"Thank you for letting us know," Deanna repeated. Olivia got the hint that she was dismissed. She gave them one last worried glance and left the room.

"Well, I guess Michonne stopped for supplies first," Deanna said. She stood up and walked towards the door.

"I'll leave you to figure out what your plan of action will be. I would appreciate if it didn't leave your circle. There is no need to alarm the whole community," she finished, turning around to look at them.

"It will stay between us," Maggie said. The rest of the group nodded.

Deanna gave them a quick smile and left.

"You can leave too," Tara said to Rick.

Rick was taken aback. "I'm sorry?" Rick said in confusion. No one in his group would have ever dared to dismiss him.

"Look," Tara said, "We all know that you don't want to be in charge anymore. We get that. So let us figure out what we are going to do about Michonne. If we need your help, we will let you know. I'm sure we can find you at Jessie's or something," she finished. She gave him a smile like an adult to a small child.

Rick was getting angry. He could feel his blood began to boil as it ran through his veins. So that was it. They all thought he was a coward now. He got the sense they had already decided to not include him anyway. _Fine. Let them see what it's like to call the shots,_ Rick thought. He did not speak to them as he left nor did he make eye contact. They would look for Michonne without him. _Let them_ , he thought.

But what would Michonne think if they found her and he was not there? Would they tell her how he was hesitant to leave Alexandria to find her? Would she understand that he didn't want to leave Alexandria because he was afraid and not because he didn't want to find her? Or would she think he did not love her enough to find her?

He could not let that happen. As angry as he was with Michonne for leaving, he would not allow her to think she was not worth finding to him.

Rick headed home. He needed his gun and his ax. He would find Michonne and he would bring her back.


	9. Chapter 8

I'm back guys. New chapter coming soon.


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